Confessions of a Bunny

~***Sapphire***~

Why do you have to move again, I said to Diamond as she packed up her stuff. He wants me to move upstairs with him. Why though? It's complicated Sapphire. It's not that complicated, you just don't want to tell me the truth. The truth, she said sitting on the bed and looking at me. So, we're gonna talk the truth, why is it going around that you and Nicoli are screwing? Who told you that? Does it matter, people are talking about it. I rolled my eyes and looked away because I didn't want to tell her about what happened. Hell, I didn't even think anyone knew about it because he came to the room after everyone had gone to bed. Sapphire! It's not what you think Diamond. You don't know what I am thinking and if its what I think he should be concerned about me sleeping on that floor with him. He didn't rape me if that's what you're thinking. So, you were okay with having sex with him. Honestly no I wasn't but he was being nice to me. One thing led to another, and it happened. I didn't know how to take it because the only sexual experience I've ever had was forced on me, but he was gentle and afterwards he made sure I was ok I said looking down. Why are you looking down, she said coming over to my bed. I am not a hoe Diamond. Girl, I know that. You're a little naive but a hoe no. I know he was just using me, Venus warned me about what he'd do. It's happened now, what are you going to do about it. Huh! You can't dwell on the mistake; you need to think about what you're going to do if it happens again. Because believe me it will happen again. I know she was right it will happen again, and I probably should have told her the complete truth, but there was no way I could sit here and tell her that he'd given me something to make me do it. He said it was a feel-good drug and that'd it'd make it easier and more comfortable for me to do it. It took a few minutes for it to kick in but once it did, I didn't feel like myself, I felt loopy and out of it. When he was done, he asked if I was ok, before telling me to take a warm shower and then go to bed. After my shower, I barely made it to get dressed and get in bed. I woke up a few hours later sore with a headache.

I don't think it'll happen again; I don't think he likes me that way. Hmph that's what you think, you're his main interest Sapphire, it don't matter how much ass walks through this club as long as you're here he's always going to be in your face. So, you're telling me to leave? Now why would I do that? If you leave, how will I look out for you? I am telling you to be wise in your decisions, I can't control you or your body and what you do with it, but when it comes to that man, you need to control that situation don't let him do it for you. Do you understand what I am saying she said making me look at her? I grew up as an only child and never had anyone to look out for me or explain real life situations to me. Diamond was the first person to explain my body to me. That sounds weird to say because my mother was there, but she didn't tell me what it meant when I got my period or that I'd be perceived differently. In fact, till this day I don't even think she knew I had gotten my period. I had to figure everything out on my own. And in a way I still am. Cameron, do you understand what I am saying? Not really! My aunt told me once that when I was younger that women hold the power, to begin life and to end it. You want me to kill him I said looking at her. No Cameron, I don't want you to kill him, I want you to make to take control over your own body, nothing happens to your body unless you allow it to. I understand that. Good, just cause I am moving upstairs doesn't mean I won't look out for you, cause I will, being up there will give me better leverage to do so.

Are you still going back to LA? I'm gonna be living here full time now, but I'll visit LA from time to time because my best friend is still there. You have a best friend! Yeah, I have 2, Lorena and Mysti, we went to LA right after high school. You weren't afraid? I was shitting bricks literally, but I had a dream and the only way I could pursue it is if I was there. You don't have the dream anymore? It's a dream deferred at this point in life. I have a dream, I wanna be a writer. A writer. It's been my escape for so long may as well turn it into a career right. I think that's beautiful and when you aren't working in that room, I want you to really put your all into it and one day I'll show up to your book signing to get my autographed book. I'll make the 2nd copy for you! The 2nd I don't get the first. The first will go to my mother. Sounds like a plan she said nodding to me.