Confessions of a Bunny

~****Diamond****~

"I woke up to the sound of people talking and this constant buzzing noise. I tried to move but as soon as I did that, I felt this sharp pain go through my stomach. Ahh, I screamed before someone moved next to me. Are you ok girl? Phoenix! Where am I? The hospital. The hospital why am I here? Some shit went down and...Phoenix my babies! They didn't make it Diamond! No! No! I am so sorry Diamond. I literally couldn't feel anything after that. All I felt was pain, physical pain, emotional pain, and mental pain. I am sorry Diamond!"

I heard "I am sorry Diamond" for 3 weeks straight to the point where if I heard it one more time, I was gonna flip out. No one but the person who took my babies from me should be apologizing and at this point I didn't even know for sure who that was. I don't remember anything about that night other than I shouldn't have been there because at that point I was very obviously pregnant and could no longer hide it from the girls or Nicoli for that matter. The first time he saw my stomach he instantly thought it wasn't his, but we hadn't been intimate, in well over 2 years and I wasn't going to lie to him and tell him they were his when they weren't, and he knew it too. The part that is hard is having to tell Johnny that I lost our babies. He's been paging and calling me for days and I just didn't know what to say to him. How do you tell the man that you love...he was so happy about those babies? I just couldn't do it; I couldn't break his heart that way so I had Phoenix reach out to him and tell him what happened and that'd I contact him when I was mentally stable enough to handle the conversation.

I knew one thing though I couldn't be in that that ranch. No, I needed time and space from that place because it was the root of all the problems I'd had in my life in the last few years. Years...I'd spent years in this place covering for a man that don't love me and is pure evil for the things that he does to those girls and the stuff that he's into that none of them know. Well, that's a lie some of them know what he's into and he's involved them in it. When I found out that he had Emerald involved in some stuff I went off on him. He knows her mental state, her medical condition and how old she is, yeah, she's legal but the state of Louisiana could still be looking for her because of the mental state she was in. He laughed and said, "she's stronger than we all think, and that they'd never find her in Las Vegas or anywhere for that matter!" What that meant I didn't know but I told him something happened to her they definitely wouldn't find him and that was a promise I intended to stand on. When I was released from the hospital, I didn't go back to the ranch, I couldn't be in that place, so I flew to LA to stay with Lorena until I was better. She'd always been my safe place since we left Florida, and we kept in close contact even when I made the stupid decision to move permanently to Las Vegas. Well, I won't say that its stupid because to some extent I believe God lead me here to watch out for these girls. All of them in some were special to me. Even Rocci's vindictive self, she only acted the way she did because she grew up with out a real family. Her mom ships her to the states by herself at 15 to live with people she barely knew is crazy to me. Yes, I knew her story, I knew everyone's stories, most of the information I got from Nicoli but the rest I got from the girls themselves. If she hadn't been so persistent at getting with me, we probably could have been friends but not now. Now I could never fathom being her friend or associate after everything she's did to those girls for no reason. Nope now she's and enemy that I keep close so I can know what she's doing.

How you feeling she said bringing me a cup of tea. I don't know! I literally lost my entire world, and I can't even remember what happened or why it happened. Did Nicoli know you were pregnant? He did but they weren't his. They weren't No they weren't. e you were messing with someone else? I told Lo that Nicoli had gotten married but I didn't explain the specifics of our relationship to her. Only we really know why Nicoli, and I got married and I plan to keep it that way at least for the next 3 years until its over. Please Lo I don't need the judgement. I am not judging you girl; I am trying to figure out who you been with if it wasn't your husband. You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Try me! I ran into Johnny a while ago and we reconnected. You kidding me right. Johnny from high school! Yes, Johnny from high school. Isn't he a big-time football player now in Washington or something? He plays for the Washington Redskins now. Wow she said looking around. We've been seeing each other for over a year and half. A year and a half and you didn't tell me. It slipped my mind, and also because of my situation we had to keep it undercover. You were pregnant by him. Yeah! Wait, did you tell him about Nicoli? He knows the deal that's it more business than physical relationship. The babies she said looking at me. We were happy to have them, I was gonna leave Las Vegas to have them in Washington and then when he could get traded, he'd come to Nevada or a team close so that I wouldn't have to leave the ranch. Charmaine that makes absolutely no sense to me. You are legally married and yall were going to do that. I know it doesn't make sense, but I can't just remove myself now there is to much at stake for me do that. You're worried about those girls; they can take care of themselves, Charmaine. It's not just that there is way more that is at stake and dependent on me staying with him. Like what? It's complicated Lo and Johnny understands that. He's better than me because I would never under if the woman I love and is carrying my babies is bouncing between states pretending to be married to some other man. Lo! What! Please. Fine we won't discuss that then, did you at least know the sex of the baby. Twins! The hell you were pregnant with twins. Yeah, I was going to get my two little girls, I said tearing up. I am sor...please don't say you're sorry. It wasn't your fault. It was my fault I just can't remember what happened that night. I knew I should have been resting because the doctor had told me to get plenty of rest, but I just had to be on the floor to make sure that everything was going correctly.