Confessions of a Bunny

~****Sapphire****~

I looked at myself in the mirror and flashed back to when I was younger living with my mom and having to fight off, one of her many boyfriends. I'd lock myself in my room and wait till morning and when I was for sure there knocked out before I'd leave my room to go and take a shower. I felt the same way today as I did all those days as well. Drained, tired, and worthless. Wondering why God would allow me to live this way if I was a good person and did everything I was supposed to do. It just didn't make sense that at my age I was doing this when I should be in college somewhere learning about life and the real world and not living in the real world.

Good morning, he said kissing my neck as he came into the bathroom. Good morning, I said continuing to wipe off the remnants of my make off from last night and the place where he'd just kissed me. It was funny how he just casually did that as if we were in a relationship. This shit wasn't no relationship it was...it was... hell I don't even know what this is, but I do know that I am not in love with him like he says he is with me. Wow really, I can leave the bathroom if you need to use it. What I am just pissing, it ain't like you've never seen it before. Doesn't mean I want to see it first thing in the morning either. Don't be childish Sapphire. Whatever I said, cutting off the water and leaving him in the bathroom. He has me traveling the damn eastern seaboard with him like I am his little girlfriend or something. We left Las Vegas and went over to Miami, then Atlanta, New York and now we're in Detroit for some odd reason Nicoli has business over here, I guess. As soon as he told me we were heading to Detroit I knew I had to meet up with Venus, but I needed to be able to get away from Nicoli long enough to see her without him knowing.

It wasn't long before I heard the shower going. I peeped in the mirror to make sure that he wasn't standing at the sink before grabbing the phone and calling Venus. The phone rang before I heard her voice. Hello! Hey girl! Who is this? It's me, Cameron. Cam...Sapphire! Yeah, look I can't talk long but I am in town you wanna meet for lunch or something. You're in Detroit, right now! Yes. Who are you with? I was silent for a moment. He's with you? He is but he has some business to take care of and I'll be at the hotel. Call me when he leaves, and I'll come get you. You sure I can meet you somewhere. Yall downtown. Mhm, I said looking at the mirror. Ok there is restaurant called Emiliano's on the east side of downtown we can meet there at 1. Ok I'll meet you there. Go in and sit at the back of the restaurant. Alright see you then I said before we hung up with just enough time for me to grab my suite case and act like I was looking for something. 

How was the shower? Refreshing wish, you could have joined me though he said coming over to me. I think you do a good job of cleaning yourself. Why are you treating me like this? Like what Nicoli? Like I haven't been showering you with gifts and attention. Taking you places, exposing you to a different part of life other than the club. I don't understand why you didn't want me at the club this week. You really wanted to stay and dance? No but... but what Sapphire! It's nothing, I am sorry for being ungrateful Nicoli. If you didn't want to come, you could have just said something. That's not true! And why isn't it? Because you think you own me. I don't own you Sapphire, you're my investment. I want you to succeed and do better in life. If you don't want to be here, I can send you back to Vegas. My conscious mind was telling me that this nigga was running game on me, playing the passive aggressive role. But the other side of my mind is saying maybe he's not as bad and I think, I mean other than earlier non-consensual sex he'd never done me wrong. In fact, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have money in the bank, a brand new car, and a place to live. The least I could do is suck it up and go on this trip and act like I am enjoying it.

I am sorry Nicoli, I don't want you to think I don't appreciate everything you've done for me, because I do. It's the sex thing right! I don't force you to have sex. But you also don't stop it either. You want me to stop it he said coming towards me. You never asked me if I wanted to do it, you seduced me and then you made me feel like I wanted it. How should I approach you in the future? You're married why are you so concerned with having sex with me when you have a wife. Me and Diamond's relationship isn't what you think. Yall don't have sex? No, we don't it's a business relationship. I thought...I know what you thought and under normal circumstances that would be the case. But it's not. If we're going to continue to have sex, I don't want to be present. Huh, what do you mean you don't wanna be present? Mentally I don't want to be present, I want to detach from the act of it. You wanna be unconscious? Not all the way but when I come to, I don't want to remember it, just our interaction is purely sex no love or feeling, if you can be disconnected from Diamond that way you can be disconnected from me that way as well. I don't know what to say Sapphire I mean that sounds weird as fuck. Mentally it helps me not to hate you every time I see you. Ahh, ok he said backing up from me. I get it! I am gonna get ready and then head out to my meetings. Why don't you do some shopping today and we'll meet up for dinner later on tonight. Ok. You want me to bring you a goodie bag? Well how else will I separate the act. Don't you have a medical condition? Aren't you going to be late for your meeting, I said looking at the clock. We'll talk later Sapphire because I sense there is something you aren't telling me. There's nothing Nicoli, I am gonna go take a shower let me know before you leave. Sure, thing he said watching me walk past him.