Confessions of a Bunny

~***Emerald***~

"What do you mean she left! She left no one has seen her since last night. I don't understand this shit, she was working last night, and no one has seen her! Her stuff is still here, she didn't leave. I don't...Emerald! What Diamond! Calm down please. I am not calming down I don't see how a person disappears and not one of y'all sees her. Let me talk to you, she said pulling me out of the room where everyone was at. Diamond please just tell me. There was blood by the pool. Blood! Em...no tell me it was someone else's blood. I looked at the cameras. She hit her head and then she... She what I said breathing heavily! I am sorry Emerald! I am so sorry she said hugging me."

I never thought in a million years when she pulled me out of that room to tell me that Stormy was gone that she'd been physically harmed in any way. Deep down I wanted it to be a joke, I wanted them say "Ha-ha she just went home to see her father". No, she told me that she hit her head on a rock by the pool. I asked and I begged her to tell me who she was with that night, but she wouldn't tell me. And that was more than enough proof for me to know that Rocci's bitch ass had something to do with her death. I should have killed her that night. I had the opportunity to kill her, and I didn't. After Diamond told me what happened to her, I lost it. I completely lost it and I had no more to give to this place, to my sister, and myself. It was one thing for me to go the hospital willingly it was another when I had to be transported strapped on a gurney and put on a 96-hour suicide watch and then involuntarily committed to the hospital. I say involuntarily because my sister signed the paperwork to do it. The same sister that not 6 months ago was here her damn self, signed the paperwork to put me away. Did I feel some type of way about the situation? I sure as hell did, I felt like she betrayed me and that no matter what she said I'd never be able to fully trust her again.

That was my mindset when I first got to the hospital, I'd been here now for a little over a month. Now I am just numb to all feelings. I can't be mad at Cameron because she's literally all I have left on earth. I just couldn't understand why she wouldn't let me handle the situation. Rocci and her little crew were out at the ranch living their best lives knowing that they took that beautiful soul off this earth and all I could think of was they needed to be ended. Ms. McKinney! Yes, I said not looking away from the window. Are you hungry? No! You haven't eaten in 2 days; I think you should eat something even if it's just a cup of fruit and some water. Can I get some cream of wheat and toast instead? So, you are hungry she said smirking at me. I nodded a little bit. I'll go put an order in for you. Thank you, I said staring out the window. I'll be back in a little bit she said leaving the room. She's the first person I've spoken to since I've been here. I don't speak because I don't have anything to say. They try to get me to talk but I never do. Counseling sessions consisted of me sitting there and silently crying while the doctor tried to figure out what was really going through my mind, How I was supposed to tell them anything when I literally couldn't feel anything. I knew logically that my heart was beating in my chest, but I couldn't feel it. I felt hollow the same way I did when I found out my father was gone, and he wasn't going to come back.

I appreciated the nurse though; she was one of the nice ones here at the hospital. She wasn't pushy, and she understood the delicate position I was in now. She would come every day she worked and ask if I was hungry or if I just needed someone to sit with me. Being in this hospital was no walk in the park. If you were sedated, they sat you in a padded room with no windows and soft furniture. All of our clothing that we were give had buttons on the back so that we couldn't easily get out of it and harm ourselves. We ate with child-like plastic ware and depending on what they were feeding us that day we may not get that we'd have to eat with our hands. I'd never wish this type of treatment on anyone not even Rocci's ass. During the day I sat there staring out the window because it was the only thing that kept me sane. The nights in this place are horrible. Nothing like being at the ranch with all the lights and noise of the Bunny room. That fucking Bunny room was the vein the of my exists, but it was also the solace I sought for so long being in and out of foster homes. Not knowing who I could trust and who I couldn't. And then there's the fact that the people who should have been looking out for me never did. We lived across the street for all those years, and she never said anything. Nothing! She sat up in my face and lied to me like I was nothing. I guess I can't be too mad at her though she was the one that gave me the idea to use her daughter's name to get out of Louisiana, it was the least she could do after she left me sit in foster care for 8 years.