Confessions of a Bunny

~****Phoenix****~

I let out a deep breath as I laid there staring at the ceiling of the doctor's office. So much had been going on lately with the ranch and Vante being overseas playing basketball that I'd neglected my own personal health. I didn't realize there was a problem until I started getting these headaches and then I was throwing up all the time I knew I had to come to see the doctor immediately. How you feeling babe, Vante said rubbing my hand. Dizzy and tired. You need to rest you been burning the candle at both ends and you can't keep doing this. I know I am just trying to get this money. It won't mean anything if you aren't here to spend it.

Ms. Marquez the doctor said coming back into the room. Yes, doctor, is there something wrong with me? We ran all the necessary blood work and you are in good health. I am in good health, what about the headaches and throwing up? That was attributed to the fact that you were about 4 weeks pregnant. Come again. You were pregnant, however all the stress you put on your body caused you to miscarry. I was pregnant. Yes, ma'am you were. But I didn't miss a period. You had a rare pregnancy you had all the symptoms but there was nothing there. Now your body is trying to recover from the trauma of it. Will I be able to get pregnant again? I don't see why you shouldn't be able too. But I will tell you this, the amount of stress that you are putting on your body is not good for your health or the health of a baby. Whatever you're doing you have to cut back. I understand, I said nodding. Pregnancy was the last thing I was thinking about at this time in my life. I am still relatively young and... I just didn't think about having kids. I knew Vante wanted kids and bad at that. He was always telling me how it was growing up as an only child, how it was lonely and he always dreamed of having a big family. Me on the other hand would have killed to be an only child, I was one of 5 from a big Caribbean family with no sense of privacy or anonymity. We were always doing something together as a family or with other people's families. There was never any alone time for me. Which is why when I got the chance or rather when my parents put me out, I enjoyed being alone and having my own stuff.

I...I am sorry babe I said looking at him. Why are you sorry, you didn't know and plus he said there was nothing there for you to save? I know you want kids. I do want kids in the future when we can both settle down and be there for them. I can't have you pregnant right now and I am going back and forth overseas. No, our babies will come after we're married and settled down. Babies! Yes babies at least 3. 3! Boy you tripping I am not getting pregnant 3 times. Ok we can have triplets. Now I know you playing, you like the way my body look, if I have triplets my body gon look like a refrigerator. Hey, I'd be happy cause that's where all the food is. Get out my face Vante. I'd love you skinny, thick, or refrigerator size he said kissing me. Mhm I am sure you do. It's a small setback but we both know it's for the best Bela. Maybe so. Besides you got your outreach work and I got mine. Outreach huh! Well, isn't that what you do? Something like that, I just feel close to them, some more than others. I know you don't have very many friends but for some reason you trust them. I really do. I am not sweating your decision to continue to work there, I just want you to be safe. Of course. I always do, none of them mess with me cause they know I am packing.

Devante wasn't the biggest fan of the ranch, but when I explained to him my reasoning, he backed my decision. He also was ok with it when he went overseas, he knew I wasn't alone all the time. I mean I still had Kim and Marleigh, but we were all in different parts of life. Marleigh is a whole mother and Kim is dealing with the fact that her dude had a whole baby outside of their relationship. And then he had the audacity to ask her to forgive him that it was an accident and it'll never happen again. All that crying and begging from a man that nearly lost his shit after what his brother did to Mariposa only for him to go and do the same thing. That ain't my business though I got enough on my plate to worry about. After the sonogram the doctor came back and talked to us more about what happened and assured me that when I was ready, I would be able to conceive and carry a healthy baby. I couldn't think about carrying no baby right now I was too focused on getting my money up. Yes, Vante is a ballplayer and hopefully one day he'll land that big contract here in the status. But for right now he hasn't and we got bills to pay and people that we are both taking care of. When I wasn't at the ranch, I was putting all of my efforts into my photography and media business. Not did I take pictures, I also got into small film projects for some local independent companies. It didn't pay much but the hours were good and I was getting exposed to a whole set of new clients. Clients that didn't know anything about the ranch or my double life so I thought.