𝗡𝗶𝗸𝗸𝗶 𝗦𝗶𝘅𝘅 ~ 𝗢𝗻𝗲-𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘁 𝗖𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 🤍

• 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗔 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 🩷

•❤️•

Nikki's POV, 1991

Love for me has always been complicated but when I had a chance to actually have a serious relationship, a proper love life, I obviously fucked it up royally, as per usual with me.

I'd been in love with Y/N L/N for years by now, I fell for her and I never really stopped falling, it's not a unrequited love story, not at all, the opposite infact. I know she fell for me too, we never discussed it but I just knew, we danced around the attraction and the feelings until I ran out of time.

I love her, but now can only love her from a distance.

I should have told her how I felt about her, how I've always felt about her but I never found the what felt like the right time, and when I had a chance I talked myself out of it, why she was better off without me, why I wasn't good enough.

Maybe we weren't meant to be but I couldn't accept that, why would I feel like this for someone who I was never have meant to been with?

She waited for me to confess to her, to make a move, I know she did... she gave me hints but although I heard them, I never acted and let time pass, now so much time has passed that I've totally missed my chance. I'd never feel enough for her but surely having her and not feeling adequate for her is better than not having her and having to watch as she fell in love with someone else.

Yeah, it gets worse. In the time she'd been waiting for me and growing bored of waiting for me she slowly allowed other people to flirt with her, to give her the time of day because I was too stubborn and too self deprecating to tell her I loved her.

And the person she started allowing to get close to her the way I wanted too was Vince, because who else would it be? He got all the girls, so naturally he got mine too. He was good to her though, and I knew he meant what he was doing with Y/N, they'd always been good friends and that meant he'd never use her or abuse her trust like that.

At least he had the balls to act on his feelings, he didn't know how I felt about Y/N so it's fair game just he got to her before I did, though that shouldn't have been the case it's the hand I was dealt.

I could lie to myself and say she wasn't falling in love with Vince, I could but it would be a lie. She got bored of waiting for me, and I totally understand that, totally. She waited for five years, then when me and the other guys got clean I know she expected me to finally make a move on her... I didn't.

When she realized that, and she realized that pretty quickly, her and Vince got closer. Like I said, they've always been close, it wasn't a sudden thing and he'd been flirting with her for about a year before this. They started hanging out together, then Vince started telling us all about how he couldn't go certain places with us because he had plans with Y/N and then they started dating and by the end of 1988 were officially together, then got married last year.

I'd have said something to Vince but didn't, nobody knew about my feelings and telling them to Vince to get him to back off her seemed like an asshole thing to do because she was happy. And no, nobody knew she'd had feelings for me either, and whatever she still felt for me now wasn't enough because she had moved on with her life, and that's on me.

Her and Vince were good together, even if it ripped me up. I did it to myself, she was never going to wait her entire life for me to get my damn shit together, and I'm happy she didn't because she deserves a life not waiting on me.