𝗡𝗶𝗸𝗸𝗶 𝗦𝗶𝘅𝘅 ~ 𝗢𝗻𝗲-𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘁 𝗖𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 🤍

• 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗗𝗲𝗮𝗱 🩷

A/N: This one was kinda fun to write, as well as a little depressing, but I'll leave you to decide how to feel about it :)

•❤️•

Nikki's POV, December 23rd 1987

There had always been times in my life where I'd wanted to die, more times than I cared to count by now. I'd never actively tried to die, I never had the guts and didn't want too in case things got better, they did luckily.

I started a band, a band I knew would actually take off and wasn't just filler, then as Mötley Crüe took off I met Y/N L/N, and actually fell in love with her which up until that point was a totally new feeling.

I fell for her far and fast, it was something I didn't even realise I wanted and needed until it happened to me, things between us were always near perfect and that's what surprised me the most, the fact that she could put up with me unlike anyone else ever could. She never lost it with it even if I lost it with her, especially when drugs got involved in our relationship, she never lost her temper with me, if I got angry at her when high she'd just walk away, let me get my shit together then I'd apologise and we'd be okay.

I was a tough motherfucker to deal with, I knew that yet she never really let that flag, she got me and nobody else quite had the way she had and it made me feel like I wasn't alone in life as I'd felt most of my life before meeting her.

Words honestly can't describe what she meant to me, and I wish they could, I wish I could have told her it verbally, maybe things wouldn't feel as shit now, maybe it could feel worse though, who knows?

We were going to get married, we'd actually only been engaged a couple of months when it happened and that was only a couple of weeks before we were due to go on tour for the 'Girls, Girls, Girls' album, which we'd only just finished touring for actually and although it hit me when it happened, tour was a distraction, it's hit me even harder the last few days since getting back here now I couldn't hide behind the distraction anymore.

I should have expected for it really, for my happiness to be stolen away in the most cruel way possible, as that has been a trend, I'd always lost everything and of course, I had to watch Y/N's time run out, they were the most distressing moments of my life, having to sit there knowing I couldn't save her.

I had to sit by her in that hospital while she slowly died. I had to sit and watch her heart monitor flatline, after being told by the doctors there was nothing they could have done to bring her back to me.

She'd been in a car accident you see, she dropped me at a party then on her way to pick me later that night, after spending the hours away from me late night shopping, some asshole came out of nowhere while trying to outrun the cops and smashed into her, she never stood a chance in that accident, and the medics when I got to the hospital told me that.

She was put on life support pretty much as soon as she got to the hospital, at first the doctors did it in hope it was just going to be an aid until they could determine her injuries and assess if she'd ever wake up. However, by the time I got there, it was clear that as soon as they switched that machine off, she was dead.

She died in that car, she was in a coma she'd never have woken up from, and they knew that, so all I could do when I got there was just say goodbye and then watch her heart stop.