𝗡𝗶𝗸𝗸𝗶 𝗦𝗶𝘅𝘅 ~ 𝗢𝗻𝗲-𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘁 𝗖𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 🤍

• 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗗𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁 🩷

•❤️•

Nikki's POV, 1986

I'm the king of self destruction, it should be my legal name. I've had few good things in my life but I always fuck them up, the number one things being my relationship with Y/N, my girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend now given we broke up two months ago due to my drug habit and the lack of braincells that provided me with.

I'm not sure why I did anything I did to her, and km not why I do much of anything really, I'm just depressed, and some sick twisted part of me wants to fuck up everything good in my life because deep down I feel it's what I deserve. I needed help but couldn't never get those words out of my mouth yet I was silently screaming for it, but I made it impossible for anyone to hear me because of what I do.

Something's fucking wrong with me and that's not news to me, I've known for a long long time. Whenever I have a good thing, I manage to fuck it up, sometimes even purposely, and what it did to Y/N, that was almost on purpose too.

It just took one night, one night to end what had been the best relationship I'd ever had with anyone, romantic or otherwise. It's incredible how slow you build relationships with people for them to just come crashing down in a matter of hours. It was cruel, but life was cruel.

I'd cheated on Y/N, but that wasn't the worst of it. I'd cheated on her while she watched.

Yeah, I know.

We'd gone to a party together, to a party of some other rockstars, I'm not even going to name them but it was a night where all I did was hang out with a lot of people I didn't like and just went for the free booze and easy drug hookups available there, and I took Y/N with me where she reluctantly agreed to it, and only went because I promised that Vince would be there with Sharise, because her and Sharise had become close friends.

A couple of hours in, Y/N and I got separated but she'd found Sharise so I saw them talking and then Y/N saw me, but then some girl approached me and although Y/N never came over, she glanced over every few seconds just to see what was going on while me? I just flirted with her, like my girlfriend wasn't watching my every move, then after a few minutes, this girl, this groupie went to kiss me and I let her, maintaining eye contact with Y/N as I did.

Needless to say, she stormed off, Sharise chasing after her confused but by the time I got back that evening I'd been slapped by Sharise and given a speech on being a douchebag by her also as I left the party, and went home to an empty house with all of Y/N's things gone.

It didn't sink in what I'd done until the next day, I'd been high and drunk as fuck that night so my self destructive streak was at an all time high. I don't know what possessed me to do what I did, I just know I did it and brought everything crumbling down.

I haven't really slept much since she left, so I was a walking junkie mess right now, and everyone saw it but everyone else was fucked up too, it wasn't just me so anything a Tommy, Mick or Vince said to me was hypocrisy at its finest, I was certainly in shit city the worst though, maybe that their point a little more valid.

I'm drowning myself in booze to live with what I did, unable to scratch the heartbroken, disbelieving expression on Y/N's face when I kissed that groupie in front of her, she hadn't ever expected something like that from me.

She obviously knew I was a douchebag at times, but I don't think she thought. I was capable of that and believe me, neither did I until I did it.