𝗡𝗶𝗸𝗸𝗶 𝗦𝗶𝘅𝘅 ~ 𝗢𝗻𝗲-𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘁 𝗖𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 🤍

• 𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗚𝗼 🩷

•❤️•

Nikki's POV, 1994

I'm selfish sometimes and ego driven too, that's never a good combination as it means I can be an asshole. I never really intended to be but that's what always seems to happen.

I could ruin my marriage with what I've done over the years, I was well aware of that yet I keep doing things that would end my relationship in a heartbeat if any of it was found out by Y/N.

We'd been married for six years, together for almost nine, with two children a girl, Ava, who'd been born in 1989 and a boy, Kai who'd been born four months ago.

And since a month before our son had been born, I've been cheating on her, I've been seeing someone else not because I don't love Y/N but just for fun. We couldn't have sex while she was pregnant so I found it elsewhere from a friend of a friend but even though now I had no reason to still cheat on Y/N, I haven't had the guts to do it yet.

Part of me enjoyed it too much, the double life, the secret keeping, it did wonders for my ego.

I've never thought too hard as to why I chose to find someone else, I knew it couldn't just be about sex but had never done enough soul searching to find out exactly what it was that caused me to lie to my wife.

I still loved her, but something had changed but had no idea what. In a way finding out was scary because losing her wasn't something I'd ever really thought about because she was meant to be my forever... why is that seeming to change?

We'd just had a second kid together, and we made that choice together, I wanted that and I still do, I'd never change either of the kids but why if I wanted a second child with Y/N was it the cause of why I went looking for someone else.

I'd never looked at anyone else up until recently, Y/N was the first woman I ever truly loved, I remember falling for her and my perspective on life changing. She is who first started to make me accept just what my lifestyle then was doing to me and I'll forever be grateful to her because I'm a stubborn asshole and it takes a special kinda someone to get through to me the way she did. It might have still taken me a while to get my shit together but she laid the groundwork for me to work off of.

She's done more for me than anyone else but still, something changed and I don't want to break her heart or my own by figuring that out.

I needed to get my shit together, I had to choose and stop being an asshole by enjoying the double life thing, it was wrong. On one hand I had this life with Y/N where I have responsibilities and a good life, beautiful kids and am loved but then in my other life I have no responsibility, I just get to exist, it's thrilling and new as it's something I haven't had in a long time, it's less pressure, I have to be a good parent and it's a lot because I try too hard to not become like my parents which makes my overthink everything and that's where the pressure comes from.

It's nobody's fault but mine, and I'd never change anything about my family but it's not as easygoing as it could be thanks to my shitty childhood.

It's not like I hated my life with Y/N, it's just shifted from where it used to be, I still enjoy being with her but it doesn't feel the same anymore.

It became evident though that I wasn't the only one who felt that shift, Y/N did too. The last few days I knew something was up with her, she'd done nothing to really signal anything was wrong but when she thought I wasn't looking at her she just looked sad, even if she'd been smiling at me seconds ago, the minute I looked away and she thought I wasn't looking anymore, she looked sad.