Let God Be The Author: Chapter 2

Chapter 22

Bennet's POV

"She's not going to leave. " I continued telling myself although I knew there wasn't any hope.

I saw the anger that resurfaced in her when she entered the door. I saw the way she looked at me with pure disgust as she mentioned all the things I had put her through. All the suffering I had brought into her life.

She was done. Done with my unfaithfulness, my attitude and our marriage. She needed rest from me.

"She's not going to leave." I forced myself to buy into the story but minutes later, the sound of tires screeching against the tar road could be heard and that's when it finally sunk to me that she had officially left.

She had left me.

All I wanted to do was beat myself up. I wanted to beat myself physically with a metal pole and maybe...just maybe I would feel the same pain that I inflicted on her.

I shouldn't have been unfaithful. This was all my fault. If I hadn't been so petty and self-absorbed, we wouldn't have been here. We wouldn't be living in this moment.

"Im so sorry Chubs." I found myself crying on the cold, hard ground. "I'm so sorry for everything. You don't deserve this."

Although I understood where she came from about needing rest from me, I wanted her to stay so we could work things out. I couldn't picture a future without her. I didn't want to.

Picking myself up and sitting hunched back on the coach, I stared at the ring resting on the coffee table. It carried such a sentimental meaning and morals that I couldn't live up to because I failed her as a husband.

I remembered the day of our wedding, when we were filled with jitters and petrified of what the future held. We felt so unprepared but after realising that we had each other, we were ready to take this journey together.

"I'm so sorry." I apologised again, feeling guilt eat me up.

Why did I have to ruin everything. I couldn't blame this on anyone but myself. I was the cause of all this shenanigans and I was going to deal with the consequences.

Looking around the empty house that made me feel like an atom, the only company I seemed to have were the walls that stared right back at me.

I watched as the tears that welled up, blurr my vision as I held the pregnancy test in my hand. The Lupus pills were spewed on the floor as a result of our wrestling over the suitcase.

"Lord please bring her back." I prayed desperately, believing that He could  change the situation,"I promise Lord that I will never hurt her again. I promise that I'll treat her better and make her the happiest woman alive. I promise to..."

"Why are you making empty promises that you know you can't keep. Didn't I warn you about this." A small but authorative voice spoke, "And why do you only come to me in times of hardship, when you are dealing with stress. Yes, I'm God of peace, love, free salvation and forgiveness but why do you take me for granted. Why do you only talk to me when it suits your terms and conditions. When was the last time we just talked about life. When was the last time you read my Word. And I don't mean reading a verse a day that you forget in the next 10 minutes but mediating on my advice that I have freely given to you. Do not come to me as plan B or C. Make me your priority and pilot of your life."

Like a tsunami of conviction had hit me, my heart tugged at what the Holy Spirit had said.

This whole time I had been so focused on me and the emotions I was feeling that I neglected everyone and turned away from God. I was so caught up with trying to hurt Elisha, not knowing where it was going to take me or what I was going to gain.

I allowed my heart to be hardened with unjustified hate that everything else felt so numb.

And after pushing away everyone, I realised that I was all alone. Elisha was gone. Harry was gone. My teammates were gone. Coach Toby was gone. Gemma was still here but our relationship was pushing me towards destruction. And God...I didn't want to think about Him because I was such a disappointment in His eyes.

I had failed everyone

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Hello beautiful people ✝️

Hope you enjoyed the chapter 😭😭 and sorry if it was short.

On this chapter, I just wanted to remind everyone that God loves you and his mercy is new everyday.

Lately I've been condemning myself for falling into sin or not spending enough time with God. And instead of running to God about this, I've drifted further away.

I don't know if anyone else has been feeling like this but if you have, I just wanted to tell you to run to God and rest in his presence and ask for forgiveness. Ask Him to be with you throughout the day and protect you from harm and fallimg into temptation. Ask Him to fully gear you with spirital armour so that no evil that cames to you will succeed.

The enemy knows how great your future is and will throw and say whatever he can to prevent you from being who God has called you to be. Don't allow him to dictate your life. Run to God no matter the circumstances.

Stay HEALTHY AND BLESSED AND OBVIOUSLY LOVED.❤❤❤

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