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Chapter 43, Back to December (Ep. 5: The Nina Project)
When Gwen was nine years old, she started thinking about death.
Having flatlined for a few minutes while her dad was declared dead on the scene certainly brought someone to ponder on every single life choice they've made, even if they were young. She managed to escape death's grasp and wave it goodbye for the meantime, settling that someday they would meet again, but in a very long time. Well, at least that was what she thought.
Max's encounter with Vecna left her thinking a lot about the grim reaper. The young girl escaped him and survived, she fought through and continued on to live and not just survive. It sounded like a miracle if she was being honest.
Gwen was certain no one would care to know her favorite song, or if anyone remembered it. Even if they did, she wouldn't allow the music to save her. Maybe she would just let Vecna take her. Maybe everyone would be happy without her.
Three people died because of her, so if she were to survive, it would be a selfish act. Barb gave up her life to save her when it should have been the other way around. Even if getting into the Upside Down had been accidental, Gwen should have kept her friend alive instead of trying to be all tough and mighty. Barb wanted to stay hidden and she denied her suggestion due to her ego.
And now Barb was dead.
Billy getting possessed by the mind flayer had been her fault as well. She should have kept driving and maybe then, he would've followed her and not drove past Cornwallis, where the mind flayer resided in. Instead, she chose to stop and lead him on thinking it would be funny to watch him drive away and ditch him.
And now he was dead.
With his death, Hopper's was also hers. The mind flayer returned again and if it wasn't for all the flayed becoming one, the gate wouldn't have been closed. Even if the Russians had a major role in it, it didn't change how the Battle of Starcourt wouldn't have happened if Billy hadn't become the host. As always, Hopper just had to be the hero and be the one to close it, and now look at where he was.
Dead. All of them are dead and it was all her fault.
Fighting to survive when lots of lives had been lost was selfish and quite frankly, Gwen felt undeserving of it. Even if Vecna might continue living on, at least she wouldn't be messing anything else up and sending a large butterfly effect to ripple everyone's lives.
She'd be gone.
She'd finally be with her dad and everyone would be better off.
What better way to go than keeping this curse silent?
No one needed to know about her nightmares, the grandfather clock at the library, or how her headaches were getting worse, and especially, they couldn't know her favorite song as it would be the one thing that could save her.
