Fluffy WangXian Oneshots

The Sizzling Saga of Spice

Wei Ying looked at the video on TikTok again, and he had to take a deep breath.

Something was very wrong.

No matter how many times he watched it, the problem didn't go away, but if it was possible, it only got worse.

"Something up, Wei-Xiong?" Huaisang says, fanning himself or the tea, Wei Ying couldn't tell.

"Indigestion," Jiang Cheng replies knowingly, pushing his hot chocolate towards Wei Ying. "That's the face he makes when he's constipated."

Wei Ying shoves him out of habit rather than real ire, but he has to show someone, and these two should back him up.

"Look, watch this!" He holds his phone up so they all three can see.

They lean in to watch.

The video starts, and it looks normal. The person with the incredibly deep voice, lilting with a melodic cadence starts speaking, and Wei Ying has to close his eyes; he can't watch this again.

It's like watching a car crash in slow motion; at some point, the horror kicks in after repeated viewing and life just isn't the same again.

Something fundamental has changed, twisting the world as he knows it on its axis so that the balance will forever be unattainable. THAT'S what this video has done to him.

They listen as the man quietly, concisely explains why this is the most tasty dish of canola beans. He sauteed onions and garlic, dumps cherry tomatoes in there and pulverises them when they're cooked. Then he adds cream cheese and a tin of canola beans, stirs it once and serves it up.

Wei Ying waits for them to say something.

Nothing.

Wei Ying makes them watch it again, just because he can, but they should know what kind of sacrifice he's making.

When the TikTok begins again, for the third time, Jiang Cheng snatches his phone out of Wei Ying's fingers and switches it off, earning himself a grateful smile from Huaisang.

But they're both missing the point.

Wei Ying stares at them pointedly, and then back at the phone, and the atrocious video they just saw.

"I sent it to ShiJie, too," he tells them, their faces carefully blank.

"I didn't know you liked canola beans," Huaisang says conversationally.

"Yeah, like, okay, there wasn't any meat, but since when do you watch cooking TikToks?" Jiang Cheng scowls at what must have been an attempt to waste his time.

"Meat? MEAT? THAT'S what you think is missing from that??" Wei Ying is aghast at both of them.

Jiang Cheng glances at Huaisang, wordlessly asking him what the problem is, and Huaisang shrugs helplessly before they both stare back at him with matching puzzled looks.

"Oh, fuck off, both of you!" Wei Ying explodes, grabbing his phone and jabbing a contact in his speed dial selection.

"ShiJie, did you watch the video I just sent you?" He asks, straight off the bat, no greeting, no pleasantries, just getting to his point as soon as possible. He's also pacing in the tiny gap between two tables, in the coffee shop. Then he puts her on speaker.

"A-Xian, I saw!" She sounds mildly traumatised.

"Wei WuXian can add the meat if he wants to, I don't see what the issue is!" Jiang Cheng grouses.

Huaisang stays diplomatically silent.

"A-Cheng, the meat isn't the problem!" Jiang YanLi replies. "It's the seasoning-"