This Can Never Be Real || George Weasley

Forty eight

𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫: 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐛𝐲 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞

"As a kid I used to hate falling asleep because I was so afraid of the things that would happen in my nightmares. I would turn every light on in my room, pull the covers up to my chin, and fight as long as I could to fend off the demons hidden beneath my eyelids. But now I'm more fearful of my I world when I'm awake. It's funny how those things change; going from finding happiness in the color blue to losing interest in things I have loved for years. I don't even remember the last time I had a good day and it stayed that way. Everything can go exactly the way I wanted it to, maybe even better, but somehow the sadness always seeps in, staining the good like a thick black ink, and I can no longer read the words. Smiling has become a method of overcompensating not a reflection of my feelings. Im obligated like it's something I need to do for the comfort of others. Because when they notice: 'Are you okay?' I'm fine. 'What's wrong?' where do I start? 'You don't have a reason to be sad.' I don't need one. 'Why are you always so quiet?' I have nothing worth saying. 'You're so sensitive.' yeah. But the worst part is knowing that my pain is hurting the people I love too. So I try to stuff all of my baggage in my back pocket, wear a baggy shirt to cover the tears dripping down my leg and maybe they won't see. They won't see how much pain I am in because of that one person."

"Forcing yourself not to talk to someone who you've loved and talked to everyday for months is one of the hardest things someone could go through."

I looked at Selena and tapped my foot nervously on the old wooden floor of the Burrow.

"I know," I mumbled. "I- I just feel like I don't... I don't deserve to be loved anymore."

"Everyone deserves to be loved," Selena smiled. "Especially you, Giselle. You've gone through a lot. I understand why you feel that way though. You've been led on and treated like garbage. But you can't heal if you keep pretending that it didn't hurt."

"I'm not."

"Yes you are. You're pretending. Right now, just now is an example of it. You need to embrace the truth."

I looked down and clenched my jaw. I always hated talking with Selena. It was the worst part of my day. She was somehow always so stupidly correct all the time. It made me angry.

"So, if you decide, that when you're ready you want to date again," she said gently, "if they break up with you, after they break up with you, after it's over... You don't go back."

I looked up at her words.

"You work on yourself. You get better, and better everyday, but you never go back."

"It's... but it's so hard," I croaked.

"It is. But that's how you'll improve yourself as a better person. You don't need Jacob. You don't need Wyatt. All you need is yourself. And you can't rely on yourself if you're not healthy enough."

"I don't know how."

She sighed, taking off her spectacles. "Let me guess— you cry every night but smile and laugh throughout the day so people don't worry about you. You sleep to escape reality. Whenever someone says something about you, you laugh it off and act like it didn't hurt at all, but you think about it all the time. You get irritated or mad quickly. Whenever you're in an argument, you feel like crying, but force yourself not to because you don't want to look weak in fromt of people, but you don't cry because you're scared. You just want to cry because your mad. You're angry." She looked at me. "I'm order to break this cycle you have to be okay with cutting the toxic people out of your life."

I nodded and sighed. Selena stood up and pushed her chair in. "I'll see you at our next session, Giselle."

She walked out of the house, and Mrs Weasley, who had been listening, turned to me from the kitchen. "You've really been feeling that way, dear?"

I looked up at her in astonishment and she walked over to me, gently wrapping her arms around me. I felt a tear slip out and hit her apron, and she combed her fingers through her hair. "It's alright, darling. It's alright."

She pulled away and I quickly wiped my tears. She beamed down at me, a little teary eyed. "Now, go pack your trunk. We should be heading to King's Cross soon."