Motherhood In The Beast World

Ch. 43 Double C's: Confession and Closure

In the beast world privacy doesn't truly exist. Having lived my first life, one of the most private areas to have the space to yourself is the bathroom (unless you're a parent to a two legged creature or four legged one). Anyway, growing up in my second life I naively thought that my potty area was private. Meaning at first it was where mama was the only one to help me for a while until I could go by myself. However, as I grew older I realized that one of my papas was always nearby in case an unfortunate attack were to happen. So, where am I going with this?

Well, currently Vick and I are standing in a place where it's considered the public potty area. Why here and not back at the tree? Well, for starters at the potty area only one of the mates, guardian, suitor or whatever family relationship of the females accompanies her to keep her safe. Second, there are most of my males desire to turn Vick into pound meat. And third, this is the best area where no one besides us is around.  

Ignoring the subtle stench of urine floating in the air, my eyes travel up to his dark black eyes staring in wonder and worriment at my upper left side.

"What do you think of my mark?"

Flinching, I turn my head a bit to look at the tattoo of a bear hovering over my shoulder with the appearance of protecting my neck.

"It definitely represents you."

"How so?" He asks as his shoulders become tense.

I snort, "because you're always there Vick. Despite having been rejected.."

He flinches.

"You're still there ready to protect me."

I would be lying to not notice how his eyes have been following me at every tribe we stopped at during our pre war journey. I have also noticed how he clenched his large hands into fists whenever I welcomed a male from the tribes visited. Or how his eyes burned with shame, anger, worry, and desire. Also, despite the number of the males added to my family, he has always been near. For example, his hunting grounds became closer to my den. And even last night, he was ready to cover me in case the bat beasts attacked.

"Listen, I don't remember all that happened last night.."

My ears twitched to him, his feet have shoveled closer.

"I, uh, do remember certain things though..."

"Yes, you said you love me," he quickly intercepts with his hand in the air as if wanting to grab onto me.

"I did?" Asking, I watch as his once stoic eyes enlarge in complete concern.

Flustering, he gets closer but noticing how I had to crank my neck to look up, he immediately gets on one of his knees.

Perturbed, he finally takes one of my hands in his quivering one and looks down at my hand as he softly says, "you said you missed me, you wanted me. And I love you back. I thought, I really thought last night is what we both wanted. You showed pleasure in our bonding. And I was honestly so happy..."

He takes a deep breath and finally looks up, "you're crying Suki. Why? Why do I always make you cry?" With unease he lifts his other hand up to my face and tries to dry my tears. Unfortunately for him, his actions, his quivering voice, his agonized expression just makes me cry harder.

About to take his warm hand away from my cheek, I immediately clutched onto him and pressed my cheek against his palm. "I just wish that last night I had my reasons with me. I wished I remembered everything. I wish that I could close this cycle of anger and guilt with you and just completely and utterly accept you last night like it should've been! Instead you've got a drunk version of me who couldn't keep her other desires to herself."