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October -


It was tough, everything reminded me of them

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It was tough, everything reminded me of them. I couldn't escape my thoughts, only the things I threw out.

When I wasn't with Bella, I practiced my gifts at home. Working on becoming more in control and powerful. There was a deep pain in my chest that wouldn't go away since they left. It was slowly tearing me apart from the inside. But I pushed it aside as best as I could.

I didn't know how to express my feelings, so I just didn't. I hung out with Bella in her room almost the whole month. But it was hard talk to her when she was a shell of herself. My presence wasn't helping any. It was like I wasn't enough. I tried not to think that way, I just couldn't help but feel that Edward was more important to her than I was. Maybe it was because I'm the second choice. The mate that doesn't have her own one, just shared. I was just a fill in. Sometimes I wished I had that one somebody. Did that make me selfish?

 Did that make me selfish?

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November -

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November -

I went back to school after taking a month out. I didn't have any other friends. No one to sit or talk with. But I don't know if I could bring myself to speak.

Bella sat at the Cullens table during lunch. Looking off into the distance. I had sat with her a few times. Before the silence became too much. She didn't acknowledge, or seem to register that I was even with her most times.

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