𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶? neteyamxaonung

The Blue Flame

|🌀|Aonung POV:

⚠️-TW- SH-thoughts/panic-attack!!

- My head started to hurt and I already wanted to vomit from emotions and pain. How could I be so careless, so idiotic, and stupid to let him see the wound from last night I was so careless and so relaxed with Neteyam that I forgot about everything, I was so relaxed and so vulnerable every time with him, and now? for what cost, how could I explain something like this to him, how could I explain this to anyone, HOW?

He will run away, he will call me a weirdo for sure and he will run away from me, from us from everything that makes us happy and even if he does it I can't even blame him, I would run away from myself too, I don't get it, I hate it I hate everything and it's my fault every fucking time it's the same, everything is my fault.

I wanted to cry, to scream, and to bury myself in the flames that ruined my life and everything I used to love about it I just wanted to be gone, I fucking want to be gone, I am so stupid so fucking stupid.

Why can't I die? why can't I fucking die- 

- My dark thoughts grew on me, my vision becoming blurry by the second as I felt his hand around my chin.

" Love..." he spoke with his hand around my chin forcing me to look into his eyes, i felt my waterline fill even more as my eyes widened in shock.

Love...?

" Who did this," he asked me again as I couldn't even hear myself inside my head anymore, any bad thought I had or well any thought at all was gone, as my face melted into the touch.

" I- did " I mumbled into the touch, I felt my chest get tighter and my eyes filled even more, I didn't want to cry in front of him, I didn't want to.

 " Who-? " he asked me again, my eyes crashed as I felt my chest break any of my breathing and I felt the last of the walls that held my tears turn into pieces.

" I did it, Myself," I spoke with my last breath as his hand around my chin went gone and his eyes widened in shock.

I tried to pull myself even more from him as I was blocked with my back to the wall, my eyes also widen a bit as I couldn't breathe anymore, I couldn't fucking breathe.

I dropped to the floor as I heard a gasp before my vision became fully blurry.

" Aonung! " I heard Neteyam's voice and then I felt his touch again grabbing my chin and with another hand on my chest, " Breathe with me. " I heard him as I tried to gasp for air.

" I- Can't. " I tried to scream but just came out as a small whisper, " You can, please, just follow my breath" I heard him even clearer, and then I heard him start breathing in and out, I closed my eyes tight as a few tears drop on my cheeks, I felt panicked even more.

I don't want to cry in front of him.

My breath was fast again, as I felt another sudden grab around my chin as he pulled my face close to him, he held my face into his palms, " Stop. stop panicking " he said in a soft voice but I knew he was dying of worry, I felt even bad now.

Another tear.

" I- don't wanna cry in front of you- "I whispered out again, my eye-widening, I couldn't breathe again anymore.

His eyes widened again and then he kissed my forehead, trying to act calm, " Aonung, don't be fucking stupid, I don't care if you cry, just listen to my breath, please. " he spoke as I saw his waterline fill too and with all his trying the last word came out shaken and panicked.

he began to breathe again as I closed my blurry vision and focused only on his breath, I began to breathe too, as I felt his hand on my chest and one holding my face carefully,

" In and out," he spoke to me again, and I did.

" In and out. " and I did again, I slowly began to let more tears down my face as I began to calm, as I felt his hand around mine holding it tight, I blinked twice as I continued breathing,

I could finally see him, a small smile on his face as I wiped my faded tears off my face and continued breathing, letting my head to the wall behind me,

I heard him sigh of relief too, as he sat down in front of me never letting go of my hand, " You feel better? " he asked, worried.

I frowned a bit as I pulled my legs to my chest, I nodded lightly.

he also frowned a bit as he got closer to me, " I won't force you to talk to me Ao " he spoke softly, in a warm tone, I looked pretty sad at him and sighed to myself.

" I know. " I whispered, he smiled again as he kissed my forehead, " But when this ever happens again- " he began to talk as I kept looking to the side not facing him and I heard him stop suddenly.

I felt my legs pulled apart and then a hand around my chin that grabbed me close to him in a very rough way, my eyes widened for a bit as I blushed a bit too much at that.

" When. this ever happens again, you're coming to me," he spoke firmly, my red cheeks probably agreeing, I nodded quickly as he let me pull away.

" Good  " he spoke softly again as he sat himself next to me,

" Aren't we going back to well- um what we were doing- "I asked trying to shake the blush off my face and well change the subject, he let his hand on my knee as he also lowered his head to the wall, " Nope " I frowned a bit,

" Why not? " I asked a bit worried, " Were waiting here until you wanna talk to me, " I frowned, I hate that kind of game, I groaned to myself.

He looked at me and then blew me a kiss, " But I'm serious, I'm not doing nothing anymore until we talk " I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and a small smirk which turned into a smile and then he rested his cheek in his palm,

" Am I clear? " he asked I rolled my eyes, his tone was bizarre like he was speaking to a kid or a pet, I felt embarrassed for some reason, " Yeah- " I spoke in an annoyed tone,

" Good," he spoke again in that tone, taking my hand into his as he kissed it and placed it down, he was teasing me so badly.

I didn't want to talk about it.

I liked Neteyam and as much as I wanted to hide this part of me from him, I couldn't. teased or not, I couldn't just keep doing this to myself as much as I liked it, because if I did I could risk losing him and that would be the last thing I needed right now.

And if you think about it, he was just like a flame, well a very blue flame to me, and well the difference between the flames that stopped me from having these crises I have and Neteyam, this blue flame of mine, was simple.

The normal flames resolved the issue by force, Neteyam did it with love.