𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶? neteyamxaonung

A Crucial Sleep.

|🌀|Aonung POV:

⚠️-TW- Self-harm mentions/Addiction?!

- The moment I felt my cheeks getting wet, I watched my sister's eyes widen, so wide, and then looked confused down in her hands where she held my ripped elastic elastic-band.

" What- the HELL is wrong with YOU! " I spat at her taking the broken elastic from her hands In an aggressive pull, She looked back at me, and I tried stopping the tears in my eyes from splashing around just like that, As she just blinked at me, now extra mega worried, " I didn't mean to break it- Aonung, I'm sorry..." She added, as my vision just fooled me and I wanted to cry even more, " SORRY!? WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE, MAN " I hissed louder as anger grew on me more and more as she spoke,

" I- I wanted to help you- what happened? " I frowned even more, " Just- UGH! JUST LEAVE, OKAY? FUCK OFF. " I spat once again as I tried my best to keep those tears in, I turned around and rushed inside my room and slammed my door locked behind me, I dropped to the ground, letting my back to the door, as my tears ran free on my cheeks, I felt numb, I felt so bad I wanted to puke my inner body parts out my throat and just die right here and now.

I looked down at my hands at the broken yellow elastic-band, that Neteyam gave me, I wanted to scream, I really liked it, I liked this gift because I have been clean since he gave it to me, and now? It's fucking broken, It's gone,

My skin started to be itchy on me like it was crawling onto me, I missed Neteyam, and I felt bad for what I did for not letting him explain to me, so we could talk what the hell that was out, and just continue our day like nothing happened, But instead because I am such a shitty fucking pricky prick, NOW. I have to stand here, with my broken self-harm safe favorite object, think about- yeah...

I won't do it, okay? I won't, I won't fucking do it, I need to think about something else and not my fucking skin crawling onto me and begging me to hurt it,

I have to control myself, I don't need any safe object to stop this habit I can win over, I can do this without Neteyam.

But I want Neteyam to be here.

I don't.

I fucking DO WANT HIM, HERE! 

My skin started to burn, and more tears fell from my waterline, I started to hug myself clenching my own hands into my arms tighten the grip, enough to make me feel something at all, I closed my eyes and started to breathe deep in and out,

I managed to get out of the room after a good few hours making sure my sister wasn't out there and went inside our parent's room, I searched through my mom's cabinets right next to her side of the bed for some herbs.

Herbs that she used before for me when I was younger when I dealt with insomnia because of repeat nightmares, and when I did find a bottle full of those special sea herbs? I don't even know if they are sea herbs, I can't even remember the name of them because my mom used to just give me a small spoon of this on an empty stomach and I would have the best night in my life, and when I'm telling you I was fighting such an urge, to not take that whole bottle down my throat and end it,

Because like any herb that will make you so sleepy you can't control yourself and stay awake anymore, an overdose of one of these will kill you.

And that doesn't sound so bad in my situation right now, but I slowly tried and did my best to get an okay amount somewhere to a little under half of it,

I simply took that chunk of dry herbs and ate it like gum as I went back in the kitchen and deep black, it was true they didn't work immediately, but as soon as I took half of that my head got so dizzy I couldn't even feel my burning body anymore, not even the numbness not even a headache not even overthinking all were gone the moment I put that in my mouth.