𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶? neteyamxaonung

A Problematic Thought!

|🌀|Aonung POV:

⚠️-TW- Mentions of self-harm!!

- It didn't take me long enough just to fall asleep as soon as I got back home, but I felt sick again, my head was noising with everything, and getting punched is one of my biggest triggers, mostly now.

Not to add how badly I fucked it up today with trying to be nice towards Kiri, I wanted to be nice or at least show that I am capable of that around her for Neteyam's and Rotxo's sake, but instead, I failed terribly,

My skin was crawling onto me and a headache started to grow even more, how could I fuck this up so bad, just from a nice move to getting into an argument again, how, how could I?

I woke up being slapped by the darkness of my room and by the empty sound of nothingness, my parents had this late meeting with every warrior in the village at the moment and I didn't even know where my sister was, but she wasn't home for sure.

I looked to my side, and I saw my bedside, an empty bedside as my lamp that I was usually faced with broke a day or so when Neteyam came over, and I didn't miss it, I loved the lamp but it was obvious that it hurt me more than helped me to be honest,

But I did miss the fire, and in moments like now, where my skin is crawling and craving for pain, the fire from that lamp was really useful.

I needed something, to replace that with. and I needed that now.

I began getting off my bed as the small lighting coming from the moonlight hit me in the face I got up and so did my headache, it got even worse.

I began walking into the kitchen where the lighting was better as I began looking for anything that I could replace my old habit with,

Anything warm enough to burn or something else, anything that could stop this crawling feeling of my skin.

I started sighing slowly as I got faced with the kitchen and went straight to the cabinets, finding only food in there, nothing I could work with,

My headache got worse.

I felt even angrier now, everything got worse, I made it worse, when I just wanted to be nice to Rotxo's girlfriend, how more of a mess i can be than this? how can I fuck it up even more than this?

I closed the last cabinet I looked in, in anger, smashing it with force and letting my arms rest on the table as my eyes widened with anger as they fixed on a big hunting knife my dad left a few days for washing,

Set to the side, all clean and ready to be used.

I went in a breath and grabbed it in a hurry, grabbing the handle and looking closely at the sharp end that it had, it was such a beautiful work, handmade by my dad, it was surprising even tho he had many and many of those knives this one was different, and I didn't know why,

Maybe because it was in my hands.

Or just the fact that my skin was falling in love as more and as more as I kept it in my hand.

I started hearing different noises, and I could swear my mind was making them, the headache I had was breath-killing, and I hated everything.

I felt even more fucked up as I could hear tapping, like someone was tapping on a window, I heard footsteps, and I could hear my heartbeat get faster as I began going with the knife from one hand to my other hand, somewhere around my wrist, as I lowered my other hand in a perfect position and get the knife to an exact perfect spot on my arm in a horizontal pose as I let the sharp part of the knife on the skin as I felt my veins under the sharp tool beating and getting hotter, pumping with blood as my headache was screaming at me in a hollowing matter.

'Just do it.' They kept repeating that in my ears, only one swipe, one hard swipe and I could just cut my hand like that, and my head would finally shut up.

My skin crawled onto me even more as I felt the time stop in place, my head screaming, I felt my waterline fill- but not enough for me to break into crying.

I just want them to shut up.

Fuck it.

" AONUNG!? " My heart froze in place, in a second my eyes looked up in a blurry view, the red-orange light of the kitchen lighting with calm, as I was faced with a blue-like form, and in an instant I focused I met his eyes. I glaze as my hands go numb the knife dropping at my feet before I can do anything.

Neteyam.

" I- " His expression, was something I had never seen before, no more boldness, or hiding what he felt in the moment, no frown or crying, just pure shock and worry, all coming in my direction as everything and I mean everything even my headache stopped and froze in fear at him, my skin got cold, so cold I felt like in a freezer a very fuckin' cold freezer.

" Aonung. " He came closer as he shook that expression off his face instantly went and grabbed both of my hands as he was almost chest to chest to me, my eyes filled with tears and my ears pinned back, I held them in trying not to cry.

" I wasn't going- " I started to begin talking, as his eyes never left mine, and as soon as I did start talking he started forming this huge frown on his face, " You weren't going to what? " He added in a deep tone, harshly to me, keeping his hand gripped around my wrist with force as he had his head tilted slightly up with an angry manner and brutal look in his eyes, he was angry at me, wasn't he?

" I- I'm sorry. " I said again trying to pull my hand, he gripped them more the slight pain coming from that pumped into my veins as my face got red for some reason to that move, his serious voice made me unusually happy.

" Sorry!? You're not saying that to me right now. What were you going to do with that knife, Aonung? " He added again as the worry returned in his voice in a blink.

" You know that already.." I began to say as he sighed and moved my hands to both of my sides pressing them to my body as he took his grip off me and backed away just a little moving his arms in a cross at his chest.

" Neteyam- " I started again after we stood like that for a minute or so, as he took the glare to the side of me right into my eyes, anger was growing on him, " Shut up. " He added once again getting in a fast manner closer to me grabbing my chin and pulling me down, eye to eye, a breath away from each other.

" You're in big trouble, now. "