𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶? neteyamxaonung

For the Ordinary

|🌀|Aonung POV:

⚠️-TW- Mentions of self-harm/panic-attacks!!

- We sat in silence without any of us talking, it was already around lunchtime, but luckily I didn't think my parents would be home any time now, 

And as much as I love the idea of my parents not being home, I hated that I had to waste this time just sitting here not doing anything with Neteyam.

Not that I don't enjoy sitting here in silence, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, he rested his hand on my knee patting it from time to time as he laid his head on the wall and almost fell asleep as we sat on the floor,

I liked it, just listening to his breath and the sound from outside, and for twenty minutes now even rain drops dropping on the cabin,

It was a lovely environment. It felt cozy and I wished I could take him into my arms and cuddle together under the sound of raindrops under the warm blankets of my bed.

But I couldn't he stated it before, so I had to, were doing nothing as long as I'm not talking to him, he's not forcing me into talking, I'm sure he is hella worried about me now as much as I hate it, I am tied by legs and arms.

He is not forcing me into talking but then again, he's putting a limit to well something I enjoy doing so he can make me talk, he's such a sly fox, I swear.

But how can I tell him something like this?

I thought to myself as I let my heavy head rest on the wall behind me, I ca I simply can't tell him the truth, I don't even know how he'd react, he can just run away from the freak I am or even worse tell someone about it.

I can't tell him.

I simply can't.

I closed my eyes, and as my heart beating began to grow faster, I felt panicked again, my chest was hurting me as much as my head was.

I felt my knee being squished.

" Hey. " I heard Neteyam next to me as my eyes opened wide from the squish, I looked to my side and saw him standing there with a small frown, I pinned my ears back, " Aonung " he spoke softly as he went and held my hand into his,

" As I said I won't force you to talk, but I wanna add the fact that I am truly worried, I am scared for you and I won't hide that. " he began to speak as I looked at him his eyes fixing on mine,

" And I mean it. when I say this, I don't want you to lie to me about it " he explained, I sighed to myself, " I just- "I let my head back on the wall and groaned.

" I don't want you to think badly of me. " I said almost in a whisper, " Or even worse," I said again looking to the side, 

" Why would I " he began to talk as he went up to face me, " I don't know, this is not something really for the ordinary " I added,

" I don't think us being together is from the start not for the ordinary " he joked, as he smiled at me, 

I cornered a smile too from seeing it, as I sighed not long after, " Yeah- true " I said, he sat down in front of me again as he held my hand,

" Want to move to the bed? maybe you'll feel more comfortable there, the floor is cold " he added as the stormy weather from outside and the small amount of sun made my room cold but a comfortable cold,

I nodded as he got up helping me up too,

We both sat on the bed as he placed himself with his back to the wall at the end of the bed and also invited me to sit next to him and I did,

I sighed even more to myself as I looked to my side, " Can we cuddle? " I asked, which came out more out of nowhere, he smiled at me a bit after responding to me with a chuckle, " Yeah " he responded as he sat in my lap turning around so he could face me,

" So? " he began.

I took a breath in and tried to make my mind clear, " Does it happen often? " he added before I could start, which surprised me,

" Depends- "I responded, he tilted his head, " Depends on what? " he asked again, i tried responding to his answer, his tone calm and soft, caressing my legs as we talked, i sighed,

" I fight sometimes- with my parents, and well that angers me- "I tried to explain, " Are they saying bad stuff to you? " I nodded.

" My dad at those tasks of his, and mom almost every time I see her... " I added, his soft smile never leaving his face, " I see," he said,

" Did they do something else? " he asked me again, I sighed even more, laying my head on the wall behind me, " Mom hits me sometimes "I stated again, and he frowned.

" Oh. "

" Usually when I overreact, they pretty much hate my attitude"

He kissed my nose, " Nah, that's the best part of you " I rolled my eyes a bit as a smile caught me, " Let me be serious! " I said with a small chuckle, he also smiled, " Fine, fine "

" Does anything else, trigger those episodes? " he asked me again, " I don't know, I guess these stuff with my parents or overthinking, or- I don't when I have a bad day or something, but mostly it comes from my parents I guess- "I stopped myself realizing how comfortable I began to talk about it,

" Alright, I see " he added.

" Did our fight- or well any of our fights trigger it...? " he said, with a serious face, i sighed a bit, " Maybe once...but mom also hit me then.." he frowned again, getting closer in our cuddle to me,

" I'm sorry, then. " he stated, I nodded a bit, " Don't be, it's not your fault, " I said,

" Since when did all of this start, the burning, I mean " I cringed a bit, I never talked about it, it feels weird, 

" Since I started going to tasks with my dad, then I wasn't one of the cool guys, you know- I stopped for a while when I met Rotxo and I started to become popular and all that, I mean it did happen, maybe once, but with years difference.." I explained, his ears listening to every word of what I said, and nodded,

" You haven't been doing it for a while? " I nodded, " Last night- was the second time in like, I don't know two or three years- maybe " He sighed as he began to look for my hand and held it tight,

" I should've been there with you, last night " He stated, I also frowned a bit as I held his other hand with mine, " You had no clue of what was happening, so don't blame yourself for my mistake," I said, frowning at him, he sighed a bit.

" And the panic attacks? " he asked me, I raised an eyebrow, " The what? " He giggled a bit at my confusion, " You know- what you had earlier "I made an oh sound as I nodded,

" My crises- well I don't know when I think about something that bothers me and well when I force myself to see the bad outcome of that thing- it happens, I guess "

" How do you stop it, when well- you were alone " I frowned, my eyes darken a bit.

" Burning myself- "I stated, as his whole face also turned serious, " I see," he responded,

" You knew how to help me- with my panic attics- so how did you know " his face lightened up for some reason, as he smiled a bit, " Kiri used to have panic attacks "My cheeks flashed with pink for a bit- 

He chuckled a bit, " You're cute when you're dumb " he stated as I rolled my eyes, " Shut up. " I added, as he went closer kissing my cheek, " I mean it. " I smiled a bit, pecking his lips,

" What else- do you want to know? now- " I asked him.

" How can I help? "