𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶? neteyamxaonung

Love was the Law

|🌟|Neteyam POV:

- To be proud was something so highly worded, something that for most people might sound too much, or too overused, for me, for well someone who was planning to be a warrior, and helping my family, my people, was something so much more, it was the only way you can be yourself and be respected.

I am proud, I have been proud of myself for many years, but since we moved here. I have been rather confused, I have been everything but proud.

I didn't want to hide from my family, I loved them more than everything, but I didn't know how to feel anymore, how to speak around them, how to act just to not be judged in their eyes, for them to see me the same way, I wanted to hide, from the stuff I never said, but that's too late, why do I have to pay so much for one little wrong path that I took and drifted from my future the perfect future that I have always dreamed off,

" What the fuck was that!? HEY! " I heard the door open and as I began to talk towards the kitchen, for steps behind me, I sighed and didn't even look back at Lo'ak to respond, 

" What do you want? " I added as I started to put myself a cup of water, he reached me in a second slightly pulling my shoulder, and as my whole body tightened I barely even drank some water as I almost dropped the cup,

I was afraid he was going to hit me.

" You can't just say that- and, and leave!? What does that mean? Aonung- Did he? Did you- did? You two... " He began rambling, as I frowned and drank from my cup of water and put it on the counter,

I looked away and didn't even face my brother as he moved a hand in his hair and slightly tried to calm down, sincerely something he had never done before, " Neteyam... " He started, I looked a bit at him leaning on the edge of the kitchen table, " I'm sorry. " I whispered between breaths, he looked confused but different, he wasn't as angry as I expected, or maybe because he didn't fully understand what I meant,

" So you like- what dad told us, like you're- your, you don't? " Why did that sound like I was having some kind of disease, or maybe I just heard it like that, I shifted my position uncomfortably and crossed my arm to my chest.

" I still like girls, Lo'ak. " I added, I didn't deny that, I did still like girls, I knew that, but more than that? Confused me, " But- Aonung isn't- "

" I know. "

" I don't understand..." he added again, leaning slowly by me on the kitchen table. He was confused but calm; at least he wasn't screaming his lungs out at me for some reason. He looked to the side and slightly at me, " So he's the reason you've been lying to us and been so cold? "

" I am not cold, you know that, "he frowned. You have been secretive, keeping things from us. It felt cold. Neteyam...You were drifting away," he repeated. He sounded hurt, and I just wanted to punch myself. Of course, being with Aonung made me neglect them. I would never forgive myself for that. Maybe I was cold, maybe Aonung and whatever we had made me act this way.

" I'm sorry, you know, I- " I couldn't word myself, I just wanted to hide right now, why everything in this room suddenly began so thick and hard to breathe like there was no oxygen anymore.

" So he's the reason why- you did that. " He added before I could say anything else, I simply nodded and didn't even look at him, he didn't either, " I still can't process this, I won't you know- discuss more about it if you don't- you know " He said, as I began my heart to fill, he wasn't angry, why wasn't he angry with me?

" I don't think there's anything I can discuss no more " I added, he raised an eyebrow in my way and slightly tilted his head, " What do you mean? " He asked, I quietly sighed and pushed my chest forward putting my arms to my side as I got off the edge of the table, " We're over already, there's nothing else to explain " I added, he looked a bit skittish at me like he wanted to say something but stood silent for a bit,

" So- you guys, broke up...? "

I nodded.

" Well that means you were in a relationship," He said again, " Right..? " He asked me, as I started to move towards my room, I stopped walking and didn't look back, " It doesn't matter if we're not anymore. " I said and finally reached my room getting inside, he didn't say anything or add something else, or well maybe he wanted to but I closed myself in my room before he could, I dropped to my bed and collapsed holding my pillow to my chest as my whole body started to shake, I wasn't cold I was sad.

I thought I would finally feel proud after I did the right thing for my family, but instead, I was everything but proud, I was scared, and sad and hated myself for my decision, but it was the right thing to do, to be here with them then well,

Be with him.

I reached up to my necklace and held tight to the small tooth he gifted me a while ago, and hold it tight, my eyes started to hurt and before I knew my checks were warm, and tears streamed down my face,

I wanted a hug from him, an embrace, so tight my body would be so sore I couldn't make choices anymore, to choose to stay or leave him, so sore I couldn't walk away, so sore he would be obligated to take care of me.

I drifted to sleep some time later, I wanted to sleep so I can just forget the high pain in my chest and the coldness that somehow surrounded just me, and my bed not the rest of the room, maybe one day if I pray enough I could forget him, and his touch, his eyes and with some luck, the sweet voice and that annoying cutest fucking flustered face he has when I press my lips onto his, the sweet taste that takes me off the ground so high I forget my own name, somehow I will, I will pray every night and move on, somehow. I will.

I didn't pray this time, before I went into the dream realm that took me, the deep sleep I somehow made myself go into, the only thing I saw in it was him, he looked tired, I was sleeping where I was right now, he opened the door of my room and tiptoe his way to my bed, he leaned over and pressed a small kiss on my forehead and made his way up under the covers putting his arms around my waist and press his face into the back of my neck, pressing a small kiss as his breath suddenly made me warm, so warm I didn't want to move anymore, he made himself comfortable and I heard a small laugh and spoke before he also went to sleep,

" Goodnight Stripes<3 "

I felt even more tears down my face, even if I was sleeping and dreaming, I miss him, I miss everything, why is love so raw, so cruel so hard to deny like a fucking law.