yin and yang ― ɴᴀᴛꜱᴜ ᴅʀᴀɢɴᴇᴇʟ

➷ EPISODE TEN.

[ EPISODE TEN ]

✮

there was an uncomfortable silence as mirajane tended to my wounds. master makarov was sat on a chair by the bed as i avoided their gazes and kept my head low. it was obvious to me that they both wanted to say something, to make me feel better and not a complete loser, but that's exactly what i was. a loser.

we had just returned from rescuing macao ― well... we is a stretch. it was lucy and natsu who had managed to rescue him, all whilst having to take care of me after i had been knocked unconscious and as always, slowed them down.

"you did well." my hands scrunched the blanket under my hand, holding back my tears. liar. i thought to myself. i failed. no, i did worse than failing. there wasn't even a word that could describe the disappointment i had painted fairy tail with. "amaya―"

"i couldn't," i breathed out, cutting him off. "i couldn't fight." i finally lifted my head to look up at him, the tears threatening to spill as he seemed surprised. even mira's hands had paused. "i- i panicked! i thought i was fine, but i couldn't do it!" i cried, wiping away the tears. "i don't have any magic! i can't fight! i'm just ruining fairy tail!" i wailed, annoyed at myself for being so pathetic and weak.

just as both mira and master were about to protest and scold me for saying such things, the door had slammed open, catching our attention as natsu stormed in. "ruining fairy tail!?" he picked me up by my collar, glaring at me as silent hiccups escaped my throat. "what gives you the right to say that about yourself?" i clenched my teeth, my jaw tightening as i glared right back at him through the tears. 

"i'm weak." i seethed. "stop with the delusions! i just get in everyone's way! you both took me on missions and never let me fight! you all think i can't defend myself, you always have to look after me!" i argued, referring to both mira and natsu who faltered at the accusation as it hit a nerve, only because it was true. "i'm not strong..." i finished weakly, my eyes cast down as the tears continued to fall freely now. 

silence enveloped us as no one could argue with me. i had guessed that the door which natsu had slammed through was still open, and the rest of the guild had also heard the commotion, considering their usual rowdiness had quietened down. i was dropped back down on the bed as i could only cry, the truth hitting everyone hard and me even harder, hating the fact that i was right. 

"you are only as strong as you think you are," i lifted my gaze, turning to the master who was staring straight back at me. "you're mind and heart play a big part of your strength, with or without magic. you are more than your magical essence, no one in fairy tail is strong only because of their magical powers, it's their willpower and love for one another that pushes them on." 

i bit my lower lip to stop it from quivering, nodding my head as tears continued to pour. no matter how much i wanted to believe master's words, that it was as easy as it sounded, it was harder to implement and understand. i couldn't bring myself to accept it as i continued to mentally degrade myself for being so weak, even at a time like this.