SCARLET MEETS MILA

58

'Dear mom,

I never intended to contact you again, but I couldn't go on without saying what was on my mind. You have hurt me in ways the human language is not capable of describing. You have drawn a blade through my heart and stood by while it bled. You pushed me to limits I didn't know any person was capable of reaching. I have spent days, weeks, months, years, wondering what I did to deserve the agony you have struck upon me. It takes a real woman to distinguish fault with failure. You are a failure, and I am not at fault.

When I was little, all I ever wanted was my mommy. I wanted her to love me, hold me, care for me. She never did, and she never wanted to. I think that's what hurts the most, to be honest. You never wanted me. I understand that substance has a way of overruling everything that is good in this world, and I am truly sorry that you fell victim to its power. I'm truly sorry that you fell victim to its purpose.

When Teddy first came to be in my care, I was scared, lonely, and hurt. He was calm, but I could never figure out why. He didn't cry, he didn't scream, and touch wood, he has never proven to be anything like you. He likes to talk and smile. His favourite colour is red, probably because his favourite super hero is Spider-Man. He loves to eat pasta, and his favourite time of day is when is his sister, Maisie, comes home from school. He is smart and learns fast. He can speak two languages and is even able to cook a basic meal with the help of my Fiancé, Mila. He is brilliant. He is kind. He is strong. He's turning six this year, and already, he's getting taller. You'd know all of this if you chose to be his mother, but you didn't.

River is six months old now. He laughs a lot, and he likes to pull faces when playing peek-a-boo with Maisie. His favourite food is strawberries, and when he smudges it into the table, I realise, he is one hell of an artist. He sleeps through the night now, his routine is way better than mine. I couldn't have imagined him looking so much like Teddy, but they're almost identical. I have a lot to learn about him, but for now, I just love that he is healthy.

You don't deserve to know these things. You don't deserve to smile while reading about the children you decided to abandon. I guess I'm a sucker for a guilt trip. Not that I want you to feel bad, but part of me hopes you feel just an ounce of what I have felt since discovering I was the mistake you wished you could have erased. If I'd have known then what I know now, maybe I would never have tried to force you into loving me. Maybe I would have given up and taken myself to the cops in hopes they'd find me a mommy and a daddy that would cuddle me and kiss me. Maybe they would have found you and saved you from yourself before you decided that bringing two new life's into this world was intelligent.

I hope never to see you again, mom, and I pray that you use your head and stay away. Not that you have much of a choice. Now that River is officially adopted, a restraining order will keep you out of the city entirely. I am giving this letter to your lawyer, and I hope that he reads it before giving to you so that he is aware of why he has to represent you.

I will raise my family just as I'd wished to be raised myself. With love, compassion, and endless patience. They will grow to be strong and happy together. Their bond will prove that blood does not always mean family. They will work hard and give back. They will achieve more than the world thinks them capable of. Most importantly, they will learn to love. They will learn to care, and they will learn not to take life for granted. For life, is a gift that should be cherished, not left to freeze on someone's doorstep.

I wish you recovery, enlightenment and peace.

Yours sincerely,

Scarlet Ramirez'