Elemental: We are all murderers #2

Chapter Five

Nick

School has officially started and the police are still looking for Emily Myers, the girl that was with Azania and the others that night at the party. I walked into the halls and go to my new locker and everybody's staring at me like I'm some miracle put down to earth. It's ridiculous. I was only gone for half a year doesn't matter anyway. I miss her more than anything in the world. I love her and I know that I forever will it's just. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make her see that I'm here because I need her not because I want to hurt her again.

It's my fault for not saying anything, for not saying goodbye, and I know that but it still hurts. I noticed she is walking down the hallway, avoiding eye contact with me. She doesn't even want to look at me and I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to look at me either if I was in her situation. She wants to block me from her life because I hurt her. And I deserve this, but she didn't deserve to get hurt. I'm interrupted from my staring by a hand pulling me into an empty classroom. I turn around to see that it's Sarah looking so angry, angrier than I've ever seen her.

"What are you doing here? What is your purpose here? If it's not to hurt her, what is wrong with you? Have you not done enough by leaving?" She says, her voice cracking at the last word. "I fucked up I know I did I can't say the words to express how sorry I am. When I tell you I can't live without her. Trust me, I've tried. But I cannot forget about her. She's everywhere I go, Even when I'm not with her. Even when she's 1000 miles away.

She's right by my side. I can't let her go. I needed to see her, I needed to know. She exists, I love her more than anything in the world and I'm not stopping any time soon. I wanted to spend one last year with my one true love before I really have to let her go." Sarah looks down like she's contemplating something. "If you really love her, you'll leave. You'll leave before she starts reconsidering forgiving you. You hurt her beyond recognition. Nick she- Nick she tried to kill herself." My entire world stopped. With that sentence.

"What." Is all I could say barely a whisper, air leaving my lungs at such a rapid rate. "Yeah. She may seem like such a horrible, vile person now but honestly she gave up on life completely because she knew that she couldn't live without you. She wanted to end it all, the pain and the suffering that she went through. She locked us out, shoved us out the door to her heart, she didn't let anyone in. Not after you hurt her.

She could barely survive day after day. She would barely leave her house, lock herself up in her room and she would never come out not to eat, not to say hello, not to do anything. Until on September 30th when she decided that it was best to end it all. I don't know what changed her mind, but something stayed with her. I don't know what went on inside her head, but I nearly lost one of my best friends because of you. I almost lost her forever and I'm not prepared to almost lose her again. You can't stay here." She says her voice breaking, tears streaming down her face.

At that moment, she looked so broken. It was almost as if. There was no fixing it. "Listen, she may seem vile and horrible, heartless and cruel, but the truth is she's just hurt inside and she hasn't stopped hurting. Not ever since you left. She takes her anger and her bitterness out on everybody around her, but in truth, she cares about us and loves us. I know that much. Because if she didn't, she wouldn't be here. She would have tried to do it again if Joey wasn't there in time. Azania would be gone forever." No, no, not my sweet Azania. No.

"Trust me Sarah and I know that's asking a lot, but I need you to trust me I will make sure that she's all right by the end of this year, she will have found a reason to live. I promise you that much and then you'll never see my face again." With that, I leave the classroom and then go straight to her. I don't care if everybody doesn't want me to. It doesn't matter to me. The only person in the world that matters is her, and I let her down. I let her down so much that she wanted to end it all.

Without even waiting for a glance, I took her and put her on my shoulder. The deja vu hit me like nothing else but I didn't care. Even if Mike tried to stop me, which he didn't for some reason. He let her go. She's thrashing and hitting my back, throwing curses at me, but I don't care. "Let me go, you asshole. I mean it. Let me go. You know this is considered kidnapping and I'm not scared of you." God, I love that voice and that sweet vanilla scent.

Once we go into the empty classroom I put her down on one of the tables. "What do you want from me exactly?" She says, her voice stronger than what she feels. I can see it in her eyes that it hurts her just looking at me. "I want you to tell me what happened in those six months I was gone." "And what makes you think you have the right to know? That information is what happened to me, not what happened to you. So I suggest you fuck off." "I know it's what happened to you and that's what concerns me. Tell me it isn't true. Tell me you did not try to kill yourself." At that.

She looked surprised for a second before schooling her features again. "Would it make a difference? It's the truth. I overdosed." "Why?" I say, more hurt in my voice than ever before she looks at me with so much hatred, like I had such audacity asking that question. And maybe I did, but I didn't care. I needed to know why the love of my life tried to end it all.

"Why? You're going to ask me why when you know the reason? which is you, you left without saying anything. The days were unbearable. I begged you to come back. I asked you why you left and what did you do? Nothing. You did nothing. Like I didn't mean anything. And maybe I didn't, honestly. Because if you did love me, then why would you have left? You're an asshole Nick. No, you're worse in an asshole. You're worse than anybody I have ever met in my entire life because you made me love you and you made me believe that you loved me back only for you to leave me. You hurt me in the worst way possible.

And what do you want me to tell you exactly? That the cuts weren't deep enough? That the fire wasn't hot enough even if it burned my skin? That the drugs weren't soothing enough? That the starving wasn't numb enough. No matter how deep I cut. No matter how much I burned.No matter how much drugs I took and no matter how much I didn't eat, it still didn't stop the pain and suffering I went through. Because you left. You. Not me I stayed. I was the one who's to stay and get hurt, and you were the one to leave. Like I didn't mean shit to you. So if that's what you want to know, there it is. That is what the six months without you consisted of." I moved towards her and hugged her.

Because she needed it. That's what she needed. I'm not saying that it would solve all her problems or stop all her pain and I may have not been the person deserving enough to give her that hug, but I was the one who did anyway. She choked out a sob and then started crying on my shoulder. I didn't care if the world was ending around us. All that mattered is that she got what she deserved. Happiness. For a split second she got relief of the feelings that are trapped inside of her, the grief over the dead and not dead.

She deserves the world. I wouldn't try to force her to tell me again. No. This would be on her own terms. "I know I can't say this enough, but I am sorry. You don't deserve all of the hurt that you were given even before you met me, let alone after you met me. I know I'm a curse. I know I am, but. All I have to say is that you don't deserve the stuff that happened to you." With that, she cried harder. And I knew deep down she knew that.

She took that in, it must be really lonely in that head of hers. When she was done crying, I took a step back and I looked at her. I really looked at her. She had a few buttons left open showing her collarbone, her tie let loose, her shirt untucked from her skirt, the band aids around her wrists and silver streaks in her hair, uncaring of what people would think. And then I looked into those beautiful eyes.

She looked at me like she could see everything about me. Like she could see right through all of the walls I put. She could see it all without even trying. "We should go to class." She says. Probably looking for an excuse to leave. "Yes, we should." I say, and she walks past me and out the door. And all I could think was how I screwed up everything.

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