Elemental: We are all murderers #2

Chapter Thirty

Sarah

2 Years ago...

 I didn't expect to see Michel's tongue down a random girls throat not even 24 hours after we had sex. He was my first I wasn't his, I guess the playboy rumors are true and I really mean nothing to him. I turn around and runaway. I refuse to leave this party. I snuck out for this.

And if Michel can have fun, then so can I. I entertain guys I usually would ignore. There was one guy in particular that had his eye on me the entire time when he finally came to talk to me. "Hey, I've been watching you. Not in the creepy way though." He says.

"Then in which way?" I asked him with the flirty tone. I've had a couple of drinks and I'm a little bit tipsy, but I'm not going to give in and go home. I've only been drinking this much to drink away the pain that I feel. My heart shouldn't sting this much. He's not even my boyfriend.

He's Michel that's it. "Do you want me to get you another drink?" He asks and I look down and realize that my red solo cup is empty. "Yeah, that would be nice." I say and he goes, fetches my drink, then comes back. I take a sip and feel the alcohol burning my throat going into my stomach.

"What did you say your name was again?" I ask. "Carl. Carl Johnson." He says, but for some reason his voice is muffled and his figure is blurry. Everything around me feels like it's spinning. I can barely keep standing up, so I lean against the wall.

I take another sip of my drink and just finish it in one whole gulp after. This burn feels good it's the best kind of distraction. "Wanna go upstairs with me?" Carl asks, and I shake my head. But he takes my hand and pulls me up the stairs anyway.

I want to fight, I want to say something, but I can't. For some reason my body feels numb and I can't speak. Carl opens the door and shoves me into the room, closes it and locks it. "I've been waiting all night for this." It's only then that I realize what's about to happen and fear overcomes me.

I'm just sitting on the bed, I can't move. I want to scream and I want to shout, but nothing is coming out, it's just not there. My voice is gone. Carl grabs my wrists and put my arms above my head. I was wearing a dress. He rips my underwear off and unzips his pants.

I want to beg him to stop, but all that comes out is tiny wines. It's no use. He pulls down his underwear and then thrusts into me. Over and over and over again. "Hey your a dirty little whore aren't you." He says grunting and the pain is unbearable as I cry and whine because I can't speak.

Eventually, he pulls out and releases on the bed sheets. Then he just leaves me there to wallow in my own shame. I don't even know how I managed to stand up and walk out of that house. I walk and I walk and I walk and I don't even know where I'm going until I end up seeing that I'm home.

I don't say a word as I climb back up my window onto my bed and I just stare at my wall. That's when I decide to go and shower. I scrub until my skin is red and blistering, but I can't stop. I put the water full heat and I scrub and I scrub. I want to scrub his scent off of me.

I want to scrub his sins away. But it's no use, they're implanted on my skin. I can't get them off. No matter how many times I scrub it just stays there. I roll up into a ball, the blistering hot water pouring on me, and I cry.

I cry until there's no tears left, then I switch off the water, which is now gone cold. And I get out of my shower, change and go into my bed, covering myself with my sheets. I want to hide away from the world forever. I just want to disappear. That's when I go back into my bathroom.

And I grab my razor blade. And I cut my inner thigh to take away the pain. It stings and it really hurts. There's blood tickling down my legs but I can't stop. I'm overcome with this numb pain all over my body and this is the only way that I can feel.

I know that when I wake up in the morning, I'm going to have to slap a smile on my face and act like everything is ok. But this, this is the one thing that I can do. That feels real.