Elemental: We are all murderers #2

Chapter Forty-Four

Azania 

I wake up in my bed. I must have passed out in Steyn's house. How I got home was probably Nicholas. I was in a fresh set of pajamas. Now it's completely clean of the blood that I was soaked in last night. I still remember everything in detail. The smell. The feel.

All I saw was red everywhere and Tonys pale face. I get up out of bed. Then go downstairs I smell pancakes on my way down. "Good morning." Nicholas says. And it doesn't feel like a good morning. It feels like hell. I know this empty feeling inside my soul.

It's going to swallow me whole. I just move to the kitchen island and don't say anything to him. He puts a stack of pancakes in front of me. "I'm not hungry." I don't feel anything. "You have to eat." For some reason, anger flares up in my stomach when he says that.

"I don't have to do anything!" I say, outraged then I throw the plate of food at the wall. I don't feel anything. "Go to school Nicholas, and don't worry about me. I'm not going, so you can go ahead and leave." I don't feel anything. Yet I still couldn't look at Nicholas in the eye.

He first picked up all the pieces of broken glass and mushed pancakes. He threw them away before leaving. Tears are streaming down my face but I don't feel anything. I'm acting like I do but I don't. Numb. I go upstairs, back to my room and I sit and I think about everything.

Everything that happened that night, parts of the ball keep on replaying in my head over and over and over again. More than most Tony lying on the ground, him gurgling up blood, me frantically crying and screaming for him not to die, only for him to die.

Telling me that he thinks of me as a daughter. It was the first and the last time I'll ever call him Dad to his face. He was always a good father figure to me even when I was at the point in time where I barely left my room. When I'd go to him, he'd welcome me no matter what.

He was one of the most important people in my life, and now he's dead. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm curled up in a ball in my bed, silently crying. Nobody. Will come for me. I might as well give up. There's no point in trying at this point. He's gone.

They're all gone I'm by myself in my room once again and it's my fault. Numb. Tony's dead. Emily is dead. And there's nothing I can do about it. I can try my best to avenge their deaths, but the person that killed them how am I supposed to do anything to affect them.

Steyn is the most powerful person in this estate but I'll make him pay no matter what. Will I be able to? I know that X killed Emily. I have to make them pay. What's the point? That is what just joined them. I get out of bed and grab my razor.

And I started slowly cutting my way down my arm deep. It hurts like hell. But I don't stop. There's blood pouring out of my arm, but I still do it to my other. A few seconds and now there's holes in my vision. Before I know it, I'm on the floor. My blood is pulling all around me. Crimson.