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Beyonce Knowles Home
December 21
Today was Nicki's mother's funeral, and my heart ached for her and her family. Losing a mother is a pain I can't even begin to imagine, and I've been doing everything I can to be there for her, to console her, but I know that no amount of words will take away that kind of hurt.
Onika left early this morning to be with her family, and of course, I understood. She needed to be surrounded by them, in their shared grief.
As her girlfriend now, I just wanted to be by her side, to support her in every way possible. But as much as I tried to stay strong for her, a small part of me was hurting too-not just because of her loss, but because I never had the chance to meet her mother.
I'll never get to know her, or to build that relationship I always dreamed of having with a mother-in-law.
With my ex, it was always a bit of a mystery. She never had a mother-or at least, that's what I was told. It was something she never really talked about, and I didn't push.
The only family member I ever met was her aunt, and even that wasn't often. It always felt strange, like there was this whole part of her life that was hidden, something she kept locked away.
I guess, in a way, my family became hers by default.
It's a strange feeling. Grief over someone I never got to meet, mixed with the sadness of what could have been. I have to be strong for her, though.
Today is about Onika and her family, and I'll be there when she needs me, however I can be.
Blue came into the room, holding up two outfits.
"Which one, Mama?" she asked, looking frustrated. I glanced at her, finishing buttoning my slacks.
"Blue, it's a funeral, not a fashion show," I said, keeping my voice calm.
"Well, I've never been to one," she muttered, almost defensively.
"And I hope it stays that way. Just put on a simple black dress," I suggested gently.
Blue nodded, turning to leave.
I looked down at my watch-fifteen minutes left. I tucked my black tailored blouse into my slacks and slipped on my suit jacket.
Moving quickly, I went into the closet and slid on my red bottom heels. Grabbing my shades, purse, and phone, I made my way out of the room.
Blue, do you have your luggage packed?" I called.
"Yes!" she shouted back.
"Okay, good. Come on, let's go," I said, grabbing my purse and phone, ready to head out.
Blue came down the stairs, dressed in a simple black dress with her braids tied up in a neat ponytail. She looked at me, and I gave her a small nod of approval.
