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This book contains mature themes, explicit language, and scenes of a sexual nature intended for adult audiences only. It is rated R and is not suitable for readers under the age of 18.
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Beyonce Knowles Manhattan Restaurant
October 10, 2025
It's officially been a month since Nicki and I started this "break," and she's serious about it. She avoids any interaction or conversation with me unless it's strictly about our kids.
The boys are now two months old and growing so fast. One thing I can give Onika credit for is making sure I see them often, sometimes multiple times a day, and I really appreciate that.
Over the past month, I've made progress in therapy and physical therapy. I can walk on my own now, without assistance, and I've increased my therapy sessions to twice a week.
I feel better mentally and physically, but I know there are still things I need to work on personally to get my family back on track.
Starting now...
"How was school today for you?" I asked Blue, taking a sip of my champagne.
I had decided to take her out to dinner so we could have some time to talk. We've been working on mending our relationship, and I felt ready to finally open up to her. I missed my baby.
"I had a test today, I think I did good," she said.
"You studied and took your time, right?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, and she giggled.
"Mama, of course I did."
I nodded as the waitress brought out our food, placing it in front of us. We thanked her and smiled. I started eating and preparing myself to talk to her.
"I wanted to talk to you about something," I said.
"Okay," she responded.
"I know things between us haven't been the best, and as your mother, I'm sorry for what I lacked that caused you to act out. It wasn't fair to you. I realize now that my own trauma was passed on to you, and I should've taken the initiative to heal," I told her.
She nodded in understanding.
I took a deep breath, looking at Blue as she picked at her food. This was a conversation long overdue, and I couldn't hold back anymore.
"I've been thinking a lot about us," I started, my voice softer than usual. "I know things between us haven't been the best, and as your mother, I need to apologize. I'm sorry for all the things I didn't do, for the ways I failed you. I can see now how my own trauma spilled over into your life, and it wasn't fair. I should've been more present, more aware of what you were going through instead of getting caught up in my own pain."
Blue listened quietly, her face serious as she nodded. I could see how much she had been holding in over the years.
"I should've taken the time to push you toward therapy, to help you heal, but I ignored it. I ignored your trauma because I was too focused on mine," I continued, my heart heavy with guilt. "And I'm so sorry for that, baby."
