A Tangle of Hurt and Happiness - A collection of poetry

My Regretful Story

Looking back at it now, my life is full of regrets.
I was only 8 when I tried my first cigarette.
I was a little too young, and I realized that a little too late.
But these weren't choices that I chose to make.

She hurt me,
That's easy enough to see.
But there's a lot more to it,
If you keep digging and don't quit.

I met her when I was a baby.
And even then, she might have been a little crazy.
She hated me and my mother,
And more than that, she despised my older brother.

It started out small,
So little that no one could question her actions at all.
But her bitterness grew when I was five,
When she returned after her summer away, barely even alive.

When I was 9, she started cutting.
Right before my eyes, she was running.
Her crimes steadily increased,
But my love for her never decreased.

I was 11 when she convinced me to harm myself,
And that only she could understand me, over everyone else.
"Our best option is to run away,"
She'd always say.

When I was 12 and the quarantine kept us out of school,
She made me her emotional tool.
She forced me to drink and smoke.
And if I didn't, her anger was stoked.

She would hit me and cut me
And then tell me she loved me.
No one stopped her
Until saving was something I needed no longer.

She ran away again when I was 13.
She made me help her escape without being seen.
When she was found,
They put her in a mental hospital until she calmed down.

I kept quiet for 2 more years.
All the while, I shed silent tears.
Finally, I spoke my truth,
And dug up my buried youth.