A Tangle of Hurt and Happiness - A collection of poetry

Names

In the world, there are millions of different names.
But the one I chose to whisper at night was James.
It feels kind of lame,
That after all these years, that hasn't changed.
My heart has always beat the same.


I wrote about how scared I was to write it.
Said I was doing my best to fight it.
Talked about how I would move on just to spite it.
Always tried so hard to hide it,
Only for no one to buy it.


I take back my words.
My apology, you've earned.
I'm sorry for making myself burn,
Just so you could know how I hurt.
I see now how little it was worth.


All that time I spent,
Just for me to realize my words weren't worth a cent.
Poetry riddled with lies I couldn't accept.
Messy messages piled like debts.
I always let my heart get to my head.


I loved lying
In my writing
Cause it made me feel like I still was fighting.
Like I was still trying,
Like I wasn't dying.


I could have said a million names,
But I could only think about James.
Tried to point fingers of blame,
Like I wasn't the reason my heart remained the same.
Oh, I'm ashamed.