Open Closets

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A/N: Hey lovelies, here is the 17th chapter, it's written by the amazing lilyxxxooo, she's an incredible and strong person, and I'm very glad she help me. A big thanks to you, girl <3.

*trigger warning*

Heyo guys! So I was asked to write this as many of you may know me as the author of Jaspar stories and things like that. As I wrote, I shared my story to hundreds of people who read my book through authors notes and things like that. It wasn't a particularly nice story either. I faced depression and anxiety, which I still have to this day but I've finally found ways to control it. It all started through bullying. It wasn't physical bullying, it wasn't cyber bullying, it was emotional bullying.

When I was growing up I had the perfect life; or what a perfect life would be to a little girl. I was average. Of course I dreamt of being a princess but deep down I knew that it was an unreachable goal, because even at a young age I was described as logical. I wanted to have friends and love and I did. Up until I was around 8 or 9. A new girl joined our class and I was so excited. I showed her round and we became the best of friends. We were in our own little world and it was such an indescribable friendship. It was perfect. We'd spend hours together in and out of school and I had never been happier. But then she started to change. She quickly became bossy, cocky and controlling. At first I took no notice of it because I was so struck by this friendship I'd formed. Things started to get complicated when I was around 9 or 10. She'd force me to go to places I didn't want to go and she threatened me and told me that I had to abide to her rules. I wanted to say no to her but I couldn't because I was scared. I was scared of what she would do and what she would say. I followed her orders and her rules but soon I found myself crying. I cried in my bedroom. When people look at me they think "she's got everything she could want." And it's true, I do. But the one thing I do have that they can't see is scars. I would never in a million years wish upon anyone else, even people I don't particularly like, to have to go through what I went through. I stopped talking, I stopped trying but worst of all, I stopped eating. I pushed food away and even the thought of food make me feel sick. I just wanted to be perfect so that I could try and be this girls perfect definition of a "best friend." Soon my mum grew worried and she made me eat. She sat me down and watched me until I ate. I ate but I'd cry as I did so. I spilt everything to my mum as I savoured the food in my mouth because I needed it. I was becoming unhealthily thin. I started to eat a bit at a time until I could eventually eat a plate of sausages and mash. I started to put weight back on and my mum was so relieved but this girl still wasn't being nice. Even though I was doing better physically, my mental health was going insane. I was quickly losing who I'd built myself to be and its that moment I felt everything crashing down and I knew I was in trouble. I'd look in the mirror and scold myself. I'd myself for being ugly, fat, useless and pathetic. I'd scratch my skin raw and cry for hours and hours.

After over two years it finally came to high school letters. I was so ready for a fresh start without her around. No. She got into the same high school as me and I felt the feeling of utter terror in my gut. High school. A place where bullies could bully physically and people would clap and cheer them on. I didn't tell my mum anything and I walked into high school on the first day. I made friends quickly and even managed to avoid the girl I'd come to fear. But not everything lasts. At break time, she approached me again and I held my breath. She told me that the only person I should be talking to is her and I felt like a prisoner. About halfway through the year, she left me completely. The funny thing is though, I'd never felt so alone. Because the girl had stripped me of my social interactions and confidence I was lost. I went into the bathroom one day and when I went to wash my hands I noticed on the door it had my name in massive letters and underneath it was a collection of horrible, nasty words that made me feel so sick. I went back into form and I was pale and my hands were shaking. I was taken out again by a prefect due to my state and she took me to someone. Things got better after that and I was happy because I'd started talking to new people again. No. She walked back into my life and started bossing me around and I had no choice but to follow. We moved on to year 8 and I was so unhappy that I started to hear people in my head. They repeated the words I'd found on the door over and over until I felt like the only option was to kill myself. These were just thoughts though. I knew I wouldn't do it because I was too scared but it didn't stop my head from trying to convince me. I turned to hurting myself instead of killing myself. I never actually made a cut, I just dragged blunt knives across my wrist to make me feel a little bit better. I'd pull it across my skin and it would go red and make little scratch marks which I would then scratch even more with my nails so that it hurt so much that I was crying. Soon people started to notice. My mum noticed and she asked if I needed to see a doctor but I refused. I was taken out of my lesson and to the head teacher as a safety precaution due to my state. I was sent to a school therapist where I quickly started to learn about new ways to cope. But then it happened. I was in registration and suddenly my chest just closed up. I just thought it was my asthma until my heart started to beat so fast that I could feel it against my ribcage. My hands started to sweat and shake vigorously and my legs tapped against the floor. Tears streamed down my face and I was so embarrassed because everyone was looking. They were all worried. I was quickly taken out and into the office where they decided to send my home because it was the first anxiety attack I'd ever had and I was so shaken up. They became a daily occurrence. I was taken to he doctors where they gave me a paper bag to use to even out the breaths and it helped. I had them continuously and it was starting to really hurt me. I was sat in the office and they wouldn't let me leave until I told them why I was acting this day. I told them I was depressed and had doctor diagnosed anxiety. They understood and I told them how it had all happened. The girl faced exclusion and is currently being trialed at a new school.

I'm now in a new year and I'm surrounded by so many people I love and friends that I've made. It all came to this because I finally told someone what was wrong. I'm still traumatised by the events and I may be going back onto a pill but I'm better. I'm more stable and I've never felt stronger. Writing gives me a sense of pride and I'm really passionate about what I do. I've made some of the best friends I could ever ask for on wattpad and I've come to know the kindest people. I get so many messages daily from people asking for help and it makes me so happy that people turn to me to help them through it. Everybody matters and I know that it's sometimes so difficult to be alive but trust me the climb is hard but the view is great. Thank you for reading if you got this far and I love you all lots. Byee! <3 xo
- Cat <3

A/N: thanks again to lilyxxxooo for help me and charing her story with us. It really means a lot and I'm really proud of you. I'm glad that you found great friends and that you are happy, you really deserve it. You are so strong and I'm really happy that I met you.
I hope you liked this chapter and that it maybe helped you. Please remember that if you need anything just comment or message me or any of the writers who helped me with this book. You are not alone! We are here for you please don't hesitate to contact us.
Ilysm and I'll see ya soon with another update lovelies,
Byeee ♡♥♡