Open Closets

Be Proud

A/N: hey lovelies, this is just another chapter of me writing my thoughts down... Seems like we are gonna have more of those. This were originally two chapters but I put them togethere.

So I went to Pride yesterday (now its tree weeks ago) and it was one of the happiest days of my life, the whole atmosphere, everyone dancing, laughing and celebrating always puts the biggest smile on my face. It makes me so happy to think of all the people celebrating LGBTQ+ and fighting for their rights. I went to the Berlin Pride and here in Germany, there is no same sex marriage and adoption rights a long with a lot other inequalities and it's ridiculous how thousands of people go onto the streets demonstrating for it and how most of the german population supports it but that the politicians are doing nothing. This years motto was "Thanks for nothing" which I think speaks for itself, it's so so sad that we still live in country where its not legalized to marry the person you love if you aren't straight and it just makes me so mad. I'm proud of who I am, I'm proud and I'm fighting but I still don't have the same rights as my best friends, which is just fucked up. It was so amazing to see all these people be proud though, like I saw thousands of people with pride flags, dancing, laughing, having the time of their lives, celebrating love. They were proud and it makes me so proud to say I'm a part of this community. Wherever you are in this world, always forget to be proud even if you have to hide or are scared. I'm scared too even though its ridicules, I have accepting friends and family and they will always support and protect me but I'm still going to an religious school, I don't hide but I don't scream it around either (if I'm not with my friends) I'm still afraid to write 'I'm proud to be an part of this community' as a caption under the picture of me with an pride flag, just because I'm scared of who could see. I already blocked everyone that I don't trust but still I'm afraid, and that's what makes me mad, I'm afraid to write I'm proud because in this country you still can get beaten the shit out of yourself for being different, just like it happened a month ago to an trans woman in Berlin, the city with the biggest LGBTQ+ community in Germany, the city that is famous for it's multi cultural and open minded people. We have one of the biggest Prides in Europe here but we still have to say "Thanks for nothing" because the politicians still change nothing, our oh so wonderful Federal Chancellor says "I want everyone to be equal, but I personally think marriage is between a man and a woman." So you want people to be equal but you support one of the biggest inequality there is??? Wtf?
But I want to be proud and I am, I am proud, I stand up to those homophobic assholes, but I'm still not completely out, 1) because it's nobody's business really, I don't want to make such an big deal out of this and 2) because I really don't want everyone to talk about me and that I maybe can't go to an friends house because their parents are homophobic and heard about me. My school is making something similar to an Straight-Gay-Alliance right now and I will be a part of it, but there is and I guess always will be a bit of fear. I walked around in rainbow nails for weeks now and I casually come out in normal conversations because why not, but still there is this fear that if I openly put it on my Instagram I will get in trouble... It's stupid and I know that, and I think I will change the caption of 'Be Proud' to an text about what I feel when I get inspired or know something I wanna write, but for now the caption will be 'Be Proud' which has two messages 1) be proud of yourself and not try to hide (if you are safe) and 2) be proud what you've and the whole community achieved, don't give up. I guess the message of this text is just to be proud, be proud of who you are, no matter if you are in the closet (I am proud even though I can't always show it, I do it most of the times though) or not. Stand up for your self, no matter if its to your own fears and insecurities or some assholes, be proud, silently or not. It will make you feel better.

So I was in NYC the other day and I thought why not do some "queer sight seeing", so I went to the Christopher street and The Stonewall Inn, I also found out that there is a Gay street ending in Christopher street right next to the bar. For everyone who doesn't know what The Stonewall Inn is let me explain. (I'm sure that the most people have no idea what that place even is, part of the LGBTQ+ community or not, I wouldn't have known if I didn't make a presentation about the LGBTQ+ community in America. Yes I knew that the Christopher street must be important since the Berlin Pride is called Christopher Street Day, but I still had no idea why) Police raids on Gay bars were very common in the 60ies, often happening once a month. On the June 28. 1969 one of these raids happened in the Stonewall Inn, but in that night the people didn't just let it happen, they fought back. After that there were a lot of altercations between police and citizens in the Greenwich Village since the people stood up for themselves and started the fight for equality. To this day those riots and their aftermath count as the birth of the Lesbian & Gay rights movement, which turned into the LGBTQ+ that we know today. The riots became an example for us fighting back.
So basically it's the place where the whole LGBTQ+ movement started, It's the place where the fight for equality started.
I sat in front of the club/bar on the stairs that lead to the door on the house next to it, in the sun and just relaxed and wrote down my thoughts. Two police officer where standing on the other side of the Christopher street looking at me strangely, while a person cleaned the street in front of the bar and the bar itself, but I just continued... I wrote an letter to everyone who ever was involved in this, I wanted to thank them and leave at least a small piece of paper there but sadly they already put everything the people put in front there on the street because of the Orlando shooting away so I couldn't leave it there. It's strange sitting in front of an closed bar in the sun at like 9 am chilling, nothing besides the pride flags on top of the front window showed what that place is. There wasn't even a sign saying 'The Stonewall Inn' just a small plaque next to the door, telling you that you are in fact right in front of the 'Stonewall Inn, 53 Christopher Street at Stonewall place, Site of the Stonewall Riots, June 27-29, 1969, Birth of the Lesbian & Gay Rights Liberation'. There words not mine. It was impressing being there knowing the story but at the same time it was just a normal street and an club, yes a very famous street and an important club, but in the end just an street and an club. It's were everything started, but we've come so far and so much happened so many people fought, fight and will fight for our rights all around the world. This isn't a simple street fight in NYC anymore, this is an fight for equality all around the world and we are getting closer and closer to equality. I live in a country were it's accepted but we still have no equality, but I know that we will get there. We can do this. We will.