Open Closets

The Spectrum of Lables

A/N: hey lovelies, long time no see I finally got a new story, and this time it's from an Irl/Internet friend that I basically love to death. I'm so glad that they helped me with this and I will hopefully see them in like a month so yay!
So with no further ado here is the 37th chapter.

Hi, I'd rather not say my name here right now, but yeah Josi told me about this book so I thought I would write a chapter.
I am 15 years old, bi/pan and non binary, my pronouns are they/them but she/her is ok too.

I don't remember all of 'my story' concerning lgbt+ related things because it's been a while (and the journal entries I wrote three years ago are on my old iPod that probably doesn't work anymore) but I will try my best to tell my story.
In the winter of 2013 (so when I was 12) I went to a workshop for one week during the holidays, and there was this girl who was like 2 or 3 years older and I developed that huge crush on her because she was so cool. After that week I never really saw her again (keep in mind I was 12 and she was like 15, so of course we didn't meet again lol I was a baby) but the crush lasted for around three months. I think that that was the starting point for me questioning my sexuality? So like in the next few months I probably watched every coming out video ever on youtube (back then there weren't as many as now, but still quite a few). Watching all of those videos really helped me but was also kind of confusing because almost everyone came out as gay and I knew I also kind of liked boys. So I was kind of confused because I knew that being bi existed but it didn't really seem like an option because everyone I saw was gay. So for quite a bit I was kind of confused but I think that over time I kind of accepted that I was bi. In the next year or something I had  a few crushes on boys which kind of confused me because there were no girls I crushed on anymore. At the end of 2013 I got tumblr and after a while that also started educating me on sexuality and gender and made me more sure of myself. I think that I first came out to a friend as bi in like April 2014 and then I'm the summer also kind of came out to other people (back then I had an active social life so almost none of that people were from school and many were acquaintances I didn't really see again). Since then I've been pretty sure of my sexuality and I'm not really out as bi but it's also not a secret, like my parents kind of know and i have a lot of pride stuff and I went to the last two pride parades in my city. (In case you're wondering: I say I am bi but I actually mean pan, to me personally those two words mean the same, other people have different definitions of these labels though and that's okay)

Discovering my gender started when I came across non binary genders on tumblr. I knew that being binary transgender was a thing but the 'option' of being non binary was new to me. I think it took some time until I realised "oh well this could be me". I think that I started questioning my gender at the beginning of 2015 and by summer 2015 I was pretty sure I am nb. My gender is something that affects me everyday, and I'm still questioning it. But I've become okay with the fact that it will take me some time until I know for sure what's going on. There's sometimes situations that make me very dysphoric but the dysphoria usually fades after a few hours.
I am non binary, I am agender, I am a boy, I am trans. All of these things are things I kind of identify with. And that is okay and valid.

(I am currently thinking if I am polyamorous, monogamy has never really made that much sense to me personally but idk about that stuff yet and it's not really relevant because I'm not in a relationship or anything and don't think I will be very soon.)

Me not being straight doesn't 'affect' me at all at the moment. I love being gay as fuck and I personally don't really feel the need to make that a big announcement. I just like whoever I happen to like and people will have to deal with it.
I really really want to come out as trans but I don't know what kind of situation I will live in this next school year. I will live in a host family that could be in any kind of environment, so I am guessing I won't be able to come out until I am back. I will change schools after this year which means that I will have a fresh start with new people, and I hope I won't be too scared to come out to them.

A/N: Thank you so much again for helping me it really means a lot and I think its really inspiring how open to everything you are and how you just want to be yourself and don't care what others think. And how you just identify with whatever feels right, i met people who were like these two different sexuality labels fit me but that can't be right, right? Bc you can only have a certain label for everything, which isn't true you can label yourself with whatever you think feels right or don't label yourself at all. I talked to you about these things before and everytime it puts a smile to my face bc of how happy and proud you are. Yes everyone struggles but you are absolutely amazing.

So I'm so glad I finally could update again but I still have no other stories so we will have to wait a bit again until I can update again.
I will hopefully see you soon lovelies, ilysm, byeee ❤️❤️❤️

PS: mjxdgjbuuzkhkgkzkugkugukd we reached 7K reads!!!!! For a lot of my friends thats like nothing but this means so much to me omg