Open Closets

Whatever you want

A/N: hey lovelies, this is the 32nd chapter and it's written by the sweet 1DOS1976. You are so nice and I really enjoyed planning this chapter with you, Thank you so much for helping me <3.

*small trigger warning*

I'm genderfluid and pansexual. I knew that I was not straight and not always a girl from an early age. In fact when I was in the third grade, I remember this day clearly, my best friend and I were sharing secrets and I said "sometimes I want to be a boy". I didn't quite understand what I felt at that point but when my friend turned to me
and said "eww! That's so weird!" I knew that it wasn't normal. So I merely said I was just kidding and pushed my feelings away.

Most of my family is extremely judgmental and have a tendency to be a homophobic and racist at times. So I never spoke up about my feelings. However, my sister had become friends with a person whom was named Elizabeth. Elizabeth had long black hair and was mixed between black and white and she resembled a boy in many of the ways
she dressed and carried herself. She came out as trans and said she wanted to be called he and him and to be called Carter or Elijah. Most of his friends left him, but my sister stayed his friend. I was in 5th grade when he came out as trans and I didn't really understand everything that was happening or why everyone was upset. All I knew
was that he wanted to be called a he so that's what I did. I didn't see why it was a big deal but I saw how he stayed strong through all of the hate. I began to look up to him (I still look up to him) and when I got older I began to research about trans people and other genders and sexualities to find there were so many different people in
the world. I realized that I wasn't crazy. I could go from being a boy to being a girl to being neither. This was also the same time I began to realize why there were days when I wanted to hide my hair and not wear make up and why there were days when I wanted to wear pretty clothes and make up. It all made sense to me, and I have Carter to thank for that because if it wasn't for him I probably wouldn't have realized that I wasn't alone and I would probably not realized how many issues there are in today's society.

I began to come to terms with my knew findings of myself and I decided to tell my best friend of 3 years over iMessage one night without realizing that my mother had gotten a new iPhone and had simply signed into my apple account meaning she could see all the messages. So my mom confronted me about it and she was really supportive of me, she
didn't fully understand at first and still doesn't but she is slowly starting to understand. My mom did go and take me to get my hair cut and I've been trying to convince her to buy me a binder. However, my best friend had said that she supported me and would always be there... then she never talked to me again. She never texted me and
she avoided me at school. I was really upset at first and I was suicidal, began to cut myself more frequently (I struggled with self harm before that), and was even more anxious and depressed. That was until I realized one very important thing.

If she was really my friend then why would she leave me? The answer was she wasn't really my friend. Anyone who isn't my friend because they don't like part of who I am doesn't deserve my time. I also came to understand that not everyone will like and accept me. I understood that and I was able to be happier and find a new best friend who
supported (still supports) me. I surrounded myself in accepting people and am very open about my sexuality and gender to my friends and also online. Not a lot of my family knows about my gender or sexuality, but I discussed it with my mom and she told me "they may not like it and they may not agree with it but they can either accept it and see you grow up to be a successful person or they can not talk to us again and miss out on the rest of your life. You can't control
what they do but I can guarantee that they will regret walking away from a great person like you".

So my advise to anyone who is struggling with coming out is (as long as you know it is safe to do so in your home environment) go ahead and do it. You will feel much better in the end, and if anyone doesn't support you please don't feel bad about it because you are perfect and they are the ones who are missing out.

Also, if you are genderfluid or trans or anything else and struggle with dysphoria over your boobs please make sure you bind responsibly with a binder that fits you and don't use ace bandage or tape or anything else because it is extremely dangerous.

Please love yourselves! Also, here to talk to you if you need to xx

A/N: Thanks again to 1DOS1976 for helping me. I really like this text and I'm glad you surrounded yourself with people who love and except you...

She/He gave a really important advice, I think we never talked about binders before, so here you go: please use a binder, if you don't know how to get one or where, please message me or someone who has exprience with these things. DONT use ace bandage or tape or something like that, these things are extremly dangerous and cause a lot of damage, so please bandage responsibly, okay? I really don't want y'all to get hurt.

If anyone of you needs someone to talk pls don't hessitate to pm any of the authors or me.we care and are here for you.

Ilysm stay strong and I'll see you with another update soon

PS: holy shit, 5,5 k reads and almost 500 votes, Thank you so much I'm so glad this book is getting bigger and i really hope this book will and is helping people.