Open Closets

Figuring myself out

A/N: hey lovelies, this is the 30th chapter and it's written by me, surprise!

(If you don't understand some words please look at the pictures above.)

I never thought I would write another chapter for OC, but I guess I wanted to show you all how my life is 7 month after coming out. I came out as Considering to my parents and my dad reacted so good, we talked a long time and he totally supports me, my mum does too, but it was really awkward and we just sat there not saying anything for 10 minutes and it felt really weird (I came out to her via email by the way, I send her the chapter I wrote, because I was so scared of talking to her, even though I knew she would react good. I was so terrified, it was he scariest thing I've ever done.) But I'm not gonna complain she accepts me, that's all that counts. It actually is a normal thing talking about boys and girls now to my friends and I actually gave up coming out to all of my family and stuff. On christmas a close friend of my family asked me if I have a boyfriend and after that she added if I have a girlfriend which made me really happy and I told all of them that no I don't have one and that I wouldn't date any boys from my school, for many reasons I won't explain now and that all of our girls are straight. So I mentioned it but didn't really come out which doesn't bother me, I'll mention it again and if they ask I will tell them but funnily it isn't that important for me to come out anymore, like all the people who I see often know, the people who I talk to about relationships know and the rest will know too someday, sooner or later and I don't have to come out if i don't want to. I know they will all accept me, so it's not that big of a deal and I don't see my family often enough to sit down with them and explain. So thats all about coming out.

2015 was at the same time one if the best and worst years of my life, but I'm glad it happened. I still identify as Considering and I'm really happy with my label (even though it's not even a "real" label). Maybe one day I will identify as a label others use too, but I'm happy with my self made one. I did figure some things in 2016 out too though. I do like the label Pansexual and Polysexual, and I think I am romantically attracted to every gender, which makes me Pan romantic, but I'm not sure about sexual attractions and I'm gonna be 16 soon, but not ready at all for sex (it scares the fuck out of me) and I feel like I don't really have any sexual attractions to anyone, (maybe Im asexual or Demi? or I'm just confused, I mean I'm not even sure what you can count as sexualy attracted) That's why I still identify as Considering, Pan would fit but I never was really attracted to someone other than boys, and I'm not even sure about that, so I'll wait until I'm sure (like I never even had a real crush that lasted, let alone any sexual attractions towards someone I think.) I only know I don't want to restrict myself, I'll love whoever I want, I don't care about gender. (You don't have to have the experience to know that you are not straight by the way and you don't have to label yourself and your label could always change, because we change during life so don't restrict yourself and just be whoever you wanna be and label yourself with whatever makes you happy or not at all, but please stay save okay?). The funny thing is that I still learn about myself, like I told people about Considering but I feel like I couldn't have sex with anyone, and maybe this is just me being scared or just plain not ready or its me realizing I don't get sexually attracted that easily or not at all, but it crossed my mind that I could be either asexual or Demi more than once and I know I need time to figure this out, even though I don't want it to take time, I'm still pretty young. Maybe I'm just being dumb here, I know I can't rush it but I'm so done with this, I think I just need get some experience and do a lot of research and then I can figure it out. I don't want to mix up not wanting sex right now and not being ready with not being sexual attracted to people.

This is kinda short but I just wanted to show you that in my life everyone accepted me being Considering and that you actually change your views on things like coming out or sexualities. In my first text I said that I needed time to find out what I truly feel and I'm starting to really get it and even though it might sound strange but I'm so happy I came out because now I can talk about things like this to my family and friends (irl and internet friends), it helps me and they can give me advice and support me, like I talked to my dad about all of this at breakfast and he just listened and supported me. He's amazing and I'm so happy that I can always talk to him.

One of my best friends was a bit weird about it in the beginning (even though she was protective from the first second on and supported me) because she didn't understand how I felt but I explained it to her more and now she gets it. It's actually pretty funny to talk to my close friends because the girls often ask my questions like "What do you see about girls differently?" or "What makes girls attractive for you?" And I love answering those questions, showing them the inside of my mind. And my closest guy friends talk to me about girls now too and I get involved into "guy" talks which is hilarious. So life is pretty amazing and even though a person I didn't want to know found out, it's all good.

A small Tipp: Don't text people in a group chat about these things, someone else could have the phone of your friend and find out, that's how a friend of mine found out. (I've known him for 5 years and I do trust him but not enough with things like this, my school is to homophobic and I really don't want to explain over and over again what Considering is) He had the phone of my other friend who is also in the group chat and he saw my message and just looked at me (we were in the same classroom in our free peroid) and asked me "Are you Bi?" And I answered him "Nope, but something like that" and I messaged him later explaining everything and he understood it and promised not to tell.

Everything ended well for me and I'm happy with my life in terms of being out, even though there is still some things to figure out but I guess only time will tell and maybe I'll write another chapter in 7 month telling y'all that I'm identifying as something else as Considering and most likely Pan romantic (I only found this label very very recently ((I knew about Pan just not pan romantic)), so I'm not used to at all, this is actually the first time saying that I am Pan romantic to someone other than my closest internet friend or myself in my head, so please don't hold me to this, I'm using this just to order my mind and show you how I deal with it and what I think, this is literally like just writing diary).
(I don't identify as straight Ally anymore though, bc I can't call myself straight anymore.)

A/N: I hope this showed you a bit how my life is going and how I'm figuring myself out more and more.
If you want stories out of my life or from my irl friends about themes like this or thoughts of mine more often then please tell me, this is like a diary anyways, I have some stories I can share.

And it's so crazy that we are at 30 chapter now it's been some of the worst, craziest and best 6 month of my life (lol nvm it's been 8 month holy shit that's so long). Thank you, ilysm ♥

I posted the first few chapters of this book from the 23rd to to the 28th of August, so I guess happy 8 month anniversary!

Ilysm and I'll see ya soon with another update, Byee <3

PS: Happy Easter to everyone who is celebrating!