Open Closets

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A/N: hey lovelies, this is the 29th chapter and it's written by the lovely Killjoy_Cat_Attack. She's one of the few people who asked me if they could submit a chapter and it always makes my day, so Thank you for helping me, <3

My name is Mel, I'm almost fifteen years old, and I'm gay.

Growing up I never knew anybody who wasn't straight, and for quite a large portion of my life I never knew that there was anything but straight. I thought that since I was a girl the way life goes is I would marry a guy and then have some kids, just another normal person.

I don't remember how old I was when I realized I'd been wrong, that not everybody is into the opposite gender, but I do remember that I didn't think that it would effect me.

The best way I can describe how I felt is that everybody has the knowledge that something terrible like getting kidnapped or lost in the wilderness for multiple days or even months, and we see shows about people surviving and having been through so much, yet despite the fact we know it could happen it's not something we really envision happening to ourselves. At least that's the way it's always been for me, maybe my mind works differently to other people's.

Anyway the point of that metaphor was that as a kid I never entertained the possibility, I always viewed myself as what I believed to be 'normal', and I think this caused me to subconsciously repress my sexuality for a long time.

It was only last year I thought to myself "Maybe I'm not straight."

For a while I identified as bisexual, I feel this was me not quite ready to accept who I am, not quite ready to accept the fact that I had been wrong the entire time.

For my entire life I've found it difficult to fit in with the people around me and I was so fucking terrified of being different, I was bullied as a kid and honestly the impact it had on myself and my parents was huge.

Even after my Mother understood how bad it was for me and I'd moved schools it still effected me, and for a long time I felt like the people around me could turn around and leave me because they thought I was different. Even now the people around me terrify me, unfortunately is isn't something I've grown out of.

I used to have a friend and that friend was the first person who I came out to, well actually I said I thought I was gay, I think that counts. I'm going to say it does.

At first it was really good as I slowly started coming to terms with the fact that I like girls, and there is nothing wrong with that, but then that friend started pressuring me into coming out to the people around me, saying that I needed to tell my friends and parents or they would.

I've heard a lot of coming out stories where people figured out their sexuality but didn't tell anybody for years, I never had that. Instead I was pressured into coming out to people before I was ready, while I was still coming to terms with it myself. I know that it must be horrible to hide yourself from the people around you for such a long time, don't get me wrong, but looking back I just wish I got to make the choice to talk to people about my sexuality by myself.

After that friend told one of my other friends about how I'm gay without even consulting me first, I knew they weren't bluffing. And it lead to me being really uncomfortable about the fact that I like girls for a while.

It's like I was still questioning myself to some degree, but now people knew and I had to live up to their super-gay expectations.

I'm in a much better place now, at least I'd like to think so. I've found some better friends and I accept who I am now. I'm not going to lie and say that everything's perfect now, as much as I wish it was, I still struggle sometimes with life in general, but I feel like I'm a better person.

What I hope people can take away from my little story is that you shouldn't let anybody force you into doing anything you're not ready to do or don't want to do - this doesn't just apply to coming out, and that sure it can be scary to realize that you aren't going to have the life that you felt you were obligated to when you a little kid, but coming to terms with who you are, no matter your sexuality or gender, will leave you a happier person from my experience.

A/N: Thanks again to Killjoy_Cat_Attack, for writing this chapter. I really love this chapter and it's message a lot. You are your own person, your sexuality/gender is your thing. you don't have to tell anyone about it. it's your choice when and how you tell people and I'm so sorry this happened to you Mel but I'm so proud of you for finding better friends and becoming comfortable with yourself ♥

If anyone of you, needs someone to talk, please don't hessitate to pm any of the authors or me. We are here for you. 

see ya soon with another update lovelies,
byeee <3