more #amilly one shots.

Shiver.

Shiver

We broke
Everything that was right
We both enjoyed a good fight

We rarely fought. We both believed in a relationship with no BS. But this time, it's different. She's different. Something changed. I knew it was going to be downhill from that time we fought. It hurt.

And we solved
All the holes we had to breathe
To make the other one leave

Trying to make things right was of no use. I tried to talk to her. Every time I tried, she had an excuse. It hurt. I knew it hurt her too. It couldn't just me. it had to be her too. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I knew she felt the same too.

And I loved the way you looked at me
And I miss the way you made me feel
When we were alone
When we were alone

I miss her. The old her I mean. The Lilly that was confident and didn't care about a lot of things. The Lilly that had a passion for so many small things. The Lilly that would shoot me with fake guns in chipotle and call me handsome just to make me blush on the vlogs. The Lilly that allowed me to cuddle with her to take the worries away. My Lilly. The Lilly I fell in love with.

And I'll shiver like I used to
And I'll leave him just for you
And I'll shiver like I used to
Just for you

I would do anything for her and she knows this. The distance didn't matter to either of us from the beginning. We knew we could make it work. With her, I was willing to do anything. Even move to LA. But I guess that was the mistake. Moving in with her.

And we stole
Every moment we had to make the other one feel bad
And we hoped that we could be what we knew
We'd never turn out to be real

The move took a toll on our relationship. At the beginning it was a bliss. It was easy and normal living with her. Like I wanted to do it for the rest of my life. But then superwoman grew huge and then Lilly began changing. But it wasn't her fault though. I knew deep down, that my Lilly was still the same. It's the management that changed her. Long day shoots ended with us fighting and me sleeping in another room of her apartment. Cooking and washing dishes became minimal because we couldn't find the time to function as one anymore. My art became darker and sadder and Lilly repressed all her feelings by being superwoman for most of the day. You could see that she was exhausted. Her vlogs became shorter and team super was becoming concern. But she didn't address it.

And I loved the way you looked at me
And I miss the way you made me feel
When we were alone
When we were alone

I just wanted to make her feel better though. To hold her in my arms and tell her that she isn't the same anymore. I wanted her to hold onto me and cry on my shoulder. I wanted her to call me to help her through a panic attack when the work load gets too much. I wanted her to ask me for cuddles and kisses and massages when she needed it the most. Maybe just maybe she didn't need me anymore or maybe she just didn't love me anymore.

And I'll shiver like I used to
And I'll leave him just for you
And I'll shiver like I used to
Just for you

Everyone started to notice the change. Her mum called me one day and asked if everything in LA was okay. She asked if Lilly was okay and if Lilly wanted them to come over. I thought it would an excellent idea for her mum to come over. Maybe it will be comforting for her. But that back fired.

And if we turn back time
Could we learn to live right
And if we turn back time
Could we learn to live right
And if we turn back time
Could we learn to live right
And if we turn back time
Could we learn

I would have never asked her mum to come if I knew that she was feeling that way. I could have asked her first to make sure she was okay with it. When we were alone, she didn't talk to me. but in front of her mum, she was perfectly fine. Like nothing was wrong. The day her mum left to Toronto, everything changed. I regret nothing more than the day I told her mum to come to LA.

And I'll shiver like I used to
And I'll leave him just for you
And I'll shiver like I used to
Just for you

Sorry Lilly. You changed. I changed. Sorry for not seeing it earlier. Sorry for not helping you like I wanted to. I just didn't know how.

Like I used to

"Aman, I'm sorry I can't do this anymore." She said. I still remember. I nodded as if agreeing to her. But I wanted to pull her into a hug and say that I can't leave her. But I just nodded packed my bags. Checked into a hotel for the night and took a flight home. I mean London. They used to say, home is where the heart is. But my heart is with Lilly. In LA. But I had to let go. At least for her happiness. Maybe without me, she can grow and find herself again and then she will come back to me. My Lilly.

(A/N I don't know if the story is any good.... but you should listen to the song.)