Love Emergency

Chapter 20

<Joe's POV>

I was packing my stuff to the small bag. When I was rushing to LA to be with Nick and my family I barely took any clothes. Only the most important things which were under my hand. I looked out of the window and admired the sunset. The sky looked literally perfect, like somebody would simply paint it with purple, orange and pink. Tomorrow morning I'd see the same sky in completely other city. I loved New York, but I've never thought I'd have to settle there. That I'd leave my job and friends here in LA.

Maybe I wouldn't have to if I didn't mess up things with Demi. This woman had a special place in my life, which wasn't able to get replaced by a n y o n e. So why did I let her go this quickly? Maybe because I'm a brat myself and I blamed it on her.

The words I heard from her mouth made me think a lot. She was right, I wasn't ready to take the responsibility for her and that baby. I couldn't even imagine "that baby". The way it would look like, its sex. It just overwhelmed me. On the other hand leaving Demi alone with this pregnancy didn't sound good neither. Did I love her? If so, like a friend or more? Maybe if I loved her better, she wouldn't be disappointed with me. Could I love her better though?

What is love? When do you know it's real and when do you know it's not strong enough? I laid down on my bed and covered my face with hands. I was frustrated. Would the situation look different if the baby was mine? Or am I just a coward who can't be responsible? Maybe God did the right thing making me unfertile.

I heard a knock on the door and I quickly got up. I hoped it was h e r, I really did. All emotions disappeared from my face though when I saw my brother, he noticed that rolling his eyes.

– Nice way to welcome your brother, Joseph. – he said coming in, not even asking for permission. I shrugged my arms and laid on my bed again throwing little ball in the air. I didn't even bother myself to ask for the reason of his visit, I just needed some peace. He fake-coughed so I sat down looking at him expectantly. I felt like some teenager, I didn't behave other way than that either.

– What's wrong, Joe? – he simply asked and I felt like crying. – What isn't wrong, Nick? – I laughed with no humour and covered my face with a pillow. It still smelled like Demi's perfume so I took it off my nose area, because it didn't help any way.

– Come on Joe, I wanna now what are you thinking about. – he sat on my bed and put his crutches on the floor. I let out a long sigh, not even knowing what to say.

– Is it about Demi? – he asked making me surprised. I looked at him stern, did s h e talk with him? – Don't look at me like that, it was pretty easy to guess. – Nick shrugged his arms smiling.

– So, what's the matter? – he looked me in the eyes and I felt even more hopeless.

– I guess we broke up. – I said and something stuck in my throat, I didn't know how to explain it to him. "Look Nick, I just fucked up"? Something similar, I guess. – Tell me whole story, it will made it easier for the both of us. – he suggested, my sigh following his sentence.

– We're friends for some years. Everyone had always said there was a chemistry between us, but you know me. I'm not good in relationships. There was one kiss, then the other, then more than that. I don't know, she made me happy. Then we fought. She came back to Alex and this fucker got her pregnant. But he turned out to be a total cunt and we came back to each other. She told me she doesn't feel good around me because I push her into sex, but fuck man. She was always satisfied. She also said I don't love her as a woman, but as my friend only and that I'm not responsible enough. Which is correct, because I wouldn't be able to take the responsibility for that baby, I'm a hopeless coward. I don't know, man. I'm leaving tomorrow, I hope she will be happy with someone who deserves her. – I finished making myself a drink. I needed some vodka. I poured it to two glasses then filled them with pepsi. – It better be a strong one. – I murmured and handed him the other glass.