What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 11

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What if?

What if he makes a move? What if he thinks that this is a step? A step into a relationship? What if I'm not ready for this again? This pressure of trying to decide my feelings for someone... Its been over a year and I'm still figuring out. But what if that's just now? What if he does make a move and suddenly there's this overwhelming wave of love and compassion and....Realisation? But what if there's not? What if this is just going to tear me between two people again? Like there is no guarantee that Gale isn't coming back right? And where does Sophie come into all of this?

What if? What if? What if............

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I stand in front of the mirror and sigh at horrible refection that belongs to me. I tried my best to look myself look somewhat decent but my body is so damaged that's impossible. The bags sitting beneath my eyes could never go unnoticed, with my pale skin making them even more prominent. My arms are covered in scars along with my legs and the bruises from when Peeta strangled me are still there. I decide to wear a neck wrap to cover them up, for his sake. I put on a blue baggy shirt so that it doesn't outline my stick figure along with a pair of black jeans. I then slip on my hunting boots. I sigh at the sight of myself. I hardly look human. I pick up Sophie who was lying with her teddy in her basket. I walk back over to the mirror and sit her on my hip

"What do you think?"

She responds with a series of sounds. I reply

"Agreed"

Then I hear a knock on the door.

"Come In!!!"

I yell. A few minutes later I hear Haymitch coming up the stairs and soon enters the room. He says

"My god it's freezing out there! The winter weather is finally beginning to sit in I think"

He brushes his coat off as some snow sits on his sleeves. I turn to him and ask

"You sure you can manage her?"

He says enthusiastically

"Sure I can..... How much liquor do I get after this?"

I sigh.

"We'll discuss it tomorrow"

I tell him. We then go downstairs. I lie Sophie down in her basket and she takes her nap. I then go into the kitchen and go over to Haymitch what he needs to do which is pretty simple considering I won't be gone long. I say goodbye to Sophie before going out to the hall and slipping on my coat. I turn to Haymitch and say

"Okay... See you soon"

He grins and says

"Don't have too much fun sweetheart"

I say

"Shut up"

Before shutting the door. I feel a bit uneasy about leaving Sophie even though it's only for an hour. But I know she'll be okay. At least that's what I hope..... I still can't seem to get my head around why I'm trusting Haymitch with the child. I push the thoughts out of my head and begin to walk over to Peeta's