What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 68-Sophie's mother

June 20th. Three years. It's been three years since my daughter entered this world and nearly three years since I gave her away. It's terrible to think I haven't seen her in so so long. I don't regret the decision, these few years has given me the time to regain me strength to eventually become a good mother. I know a year from now I will have my daughter back and will be able to care for her fully. I have grown over the last few years and found within me the power to move on from the past and to prepare myself to be a good mother, the mother Sophie has deserved all along. Katniss was the only one I trusted with Sophie, the only one I knew could give her the thing I couldn't. A decent first 4 years in her life. When she was born I was crushed, her father not here and me being a single parent.
I pull out the picture from the dusty drawer, brushing it off lightly with my palm. The only picture I have of her. She's in my arms, sleeping after her first exhausting hours in the world. Her small fingers are in small fists by her face. Reminds me of her father, protective and strong. I'm smiling down at her. I smiled a lot that day, cried a lot too. Cried when I finally realised he wasn't coming back to me, cried when I realised that I wasn't ready for this, cried when I knew the right thing was give her away for a few years. When I cried the most was when the nurse placed her in my arms and for the first time I saw her eyes open and was greeted by the bright green colour. In district 4 I love how every time I look upon the sea I feel as if I'm searching those eyes again, searching them for a trace of her father, if I look closely into her I see a piece of him in there. A spark. A spark that represents his determination.

Three years since I saw her. Three years and 10 months since I saw him. I don't know if I would even want to see him again. If I would even want to think about him again. But I know that he will never fully leave my mind. Its impossible. And besides once Sophie grows older she's bound to ask about him. And what am I supposed to tell her. That he left us and isn't coming back because I don't trust him. How am I possibly going to word it in a way she understands? How could I ever make her understand anything? The past? The world of cruelty I once lived in?

It was weeks later when it happened. I was in the corner shop, handing the money to Olivia and taking the brown bag off the counter. She tells me something but I can't hear her, I feel as if my ears are underwater as she speaks. Something feels wrong. I shake my head slightly, drawing myself back to reality to here the end of her sentence

"...I just think it was a little uncalled for"

I nod, pretending I heard it all. Olivia is the kind of person who is like the local news reporter. She knows everything happening everywhere. She is a great person though, she doesn't gossip but tells us all about the progress of the other districts. She has family spread across the districts so she travels to see them a lot. I say to her once I have lifted my head above into reality

"I agree. Thanks Olivia"

She smiles, satisfied I agreed with her but also for my thank you for buying the fruit. She replies

"No problem"

I walk out the door, brown bag in hand as I walk across the decking along the front of the beach side shops. I lean upon the fence, looking out at the beach.