What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 91

What if?

What if everything will feel so different once she is gone? What if its time to face the reality that she is not mine, she is not our daughter? But what if I will never accept that, after all we've been through with her? What if I will never truly be able to let her go?

What if? What if? What if...

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Spring comes quickly, ice melting fast and flowers bursting open and the weather becoming more sunny. I don't pay attention to much of this though, instead I count down the days we have left with Sophie. It just seems like a clock, ticking down to nothing and as the moment nears with every second I continue to wonder if I will be able to let her go. I've become so close to her, so many times I've called her my daughter. She's just become a part of my family and just to have her taken away is just going to be heartbreaking. But at the same time I know I will have to accept that I can't keep her forever, when she was never even mine.

It's April when we get the letter, addressed not only to me but to Peeta, for the first time it is addressed to both of us. I am, the first one to read it as the day it comes Peeta and Sophie are both at the bakery. I open the letter in the silence of the kitchen, my anxiety growing as the only sound is the tearing of the envelope. When opening the letter I see the familiar cursive writing of which I begin to read

Katniss and Peeta,

I know that you both are aware why I am writing to you of this time and I know you two like me are overwhelmed with the quick flash that was the last 4 years. The time has been long yet short, fast yet ever so slow, for both you two and myself. And I feel that now I am prepared as I hoped from the beginning of this I would, to be a true mother to Sophie. It may not make sense now, it may not ever make sense but once you both meet me maybe I can try explain my reasons. Anyway, I already told you before that I would call at 5 O'Clock on her birthday and that is still the same but I just wanted to tell you I'm bringing someone with me, someone who is part of my family. Once again thank you and I will see you June 20th

I don't show Peeta the letter until Sophie is put to bed, we're sitting on the couch facing each other, our knees touching lightly. I watch as his facial expression changes as he reads the letter then when he is finished he places it on the coffee table. I say eventually, just to fill the silence

"She's coming on her birthday to get her"

Peeta nods and once again a silence is stretched out much longer than I would want. But before I can speak Peeta begins to talk again

"Have you ever had any idea who her mother is?"

I shake my head and reply

"I never really thought about it much after the first year with her, I knew I'd go insane if I did. It could be anyone, might be someone I don't even know"

He nods, his eyes focused on the letter until he sighs and tells me

"She's bringing someone, do you think its her father?"

Then I'm confused. That was something I hadn't thought about. The possibility of it being her father, a man I never really thought about. When she said in her letters she wasn't capable of minding Sophie I always thought he had died or something. But now that Peeta mentions it, it is a big possibility that that is the person that Sophie's mother is bringing along. I pull myself away from these thoughts and reply to Peeta

"I don't know, I guess I never really thought about him. She's never mentioned him in any of her letters.... but I guess it is a possibility"

I let out a deep breath before I continue to speak

"I sometimes wonder how she did it, just gave her up. Like I look into Sophie's eyes these days and just think how painfully hard it will be to see her go and her mother did it just like that. I just... I could never see myself doing something like that"

Peeta nods in agreement and says

"I'd say she has a fair reason... I'd hope"

I tell him

"I'm going to miss having her around"

"Me too, but we will still have each other"

"Yes we will"

He then stands up and offering me his hand he says

"I want to show you something"

So I slip my hand into his and follow him into the art room in which he tells me to close my eyes. When he eventually tells me to open them I see in my hands the scrapbook we made for Sophie. We both sit on the couch and turn the pages and then I notice that he has filled in the final pages that were once empty. He's filled them with drawings and pictures and entries of our trip to district 4, I feel my eyes welling with tears of joy as I read his words, look at his beautiful pictures. Once we have finished it I turn to him and with a smile I say

"Thank you"

Our lips connect before he can even reply. But that's okay, because sometimes a kiss can mean a thousand words. Or right now for me, it means just three

I love you.

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Hey guys! Thanks so much for reading this chapter and I hope you enjoyed it! I'm so sad to say we are down to the last 10 chapters of this book! And I know what your thinking no no why?! Believe me I am the same and that's why I'm making these last chapters the best they can be! And I want to make this books ending as best as I can! And I need YOUR help! Give me some suggestions to make these last few chapters special, will I add an audio reading of the chapter, will I make an edit associated with the chapter, will I add a song to the chapter YOU TELL ME! I want to do something special to show you guys how much I appreciated and will always appreciate your support throughout this! So comment, tell me your idea! Thanks again for reading and be prepared for the next chapter where there will be a MAJOR EVENT! Love ye xx

Em is out