What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 95

What if?

What if this will help? What if this idea will hold us at her heart forever? But what if she will always remember, what if we don't realise we made our mark already? What if we may not have done amazing things for her but we have helped her grow up? What if she will remember and appreciate every little thing we've done, changed her diapers, fed her, sheltered her and most of all loved her? What if in the end her remembering that we love her is all that matters?

What if? What if? What if...

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I take in the room fully for the final time. I look at her small bed, imagining it to be empty tomorrow night. I look at the walls covered in pictures, drawings and memories, I watch as the hours go on that all of these are washed away and stored in the memory box. The whole room feels bare with only things taken off the wall. I begin to pack away some of her clothes in a suitcase, leaving some for her remaining day. During all of this time seems to slow down and as I look teary eyed at the pictures its like I am at the beginning for a moment, staring at the crying baby on my doorstep. And within a flash I am here, nearly 4 years later I am taking and storing everything that reminds us of her. But despite the pain of this it must be done. I seal the memories in her special box, shedding tears as I look at her possessions and am reminded of the memories they carry. When the majority of her things are put away I stand and once again examine the room. All that remains is the bed, a few sets of clothes and the suitcase and boxes pushed into the corner. All that will remain when she's gone? The memories.

After lunch I decide its time to add the final thing to her box. Simply a letter. A letter just telling her how grateful I am for having her for 4 years. At first I think this will be hard considering I've never been one very good at expressing myself or using words in general but as soon as I begin I realise that telling her how I have felt about the last 4 years isn't that difficult.

Dear Sophie,

I don't know when your reading this or how but I do know that if you have reached the box that stored this letter you are prepared for answers. Why possibly Peeta and I took care of you for as long as we did? But every answer to your questions is simple. We loved you. We love you like your our own. I write this one day before you go simply just to not only express why this happened but how I am so grateful for you. You may have only been a small baby but you made such a life changing impact on my life and I'll always be grateful for that. You may be only 3 nearly 4 as I write this but over these 4 years I have watched you grow into a beautiful, talented, smart and kind young girl. I love you with all my heart and I'm so happy your true family is now with you. I know their reasons may not make sense but one thing I've learned about life it that it most definitely does not make sense. You are probably still making sense of this part of your life now and trust me at first, when I first saw you I was confused too. I feared the future, the 4 years I was told were coming. Because I didn't believe I could care for you, knowing I was hardly managing myself. But you know what? In the end you changed everything for the better, I got back on my feet because of you. You changed my life in a million ways and right now at this moment you are preparing to go change a few more lives. I will always love you like your my own, I will always be here for you. I will never forget the 4 years I spent with you and to make sure you never forget this box contains every little memory I have, from when you first crawled to your final day with us. I don't know where you are right now or when you're even reading this but I will always feel the same about our time together. And I'm sad that our time together can't last forever, but I know the memories will. I will never forget you, you gave me so much to remember. And I hope you remember that Peeta and I love you always and wish you luck on the rest of your journeys in your lifetime.

Love Katniss

My tears stain parts of the paper as I fold the letter, seal it and place it in the box. I wipe my cheeks and stand as I hear the door open. I make my way downstairs and all of a sudden Sophie runs up the stairs past me. I say with a slight laugh

"Hello to you too!"

She replies

"I need teddy!!!"

I walk down the rest of the steps and into the kitchen. Peeta looks up from a piece of paper and says

"Hey"

I give a small smile

"Hi"

He walks over to me, hands on my hips as he pulls me toward him he says

"Are you okay?"

I nod and tell him about writing the letter. He says

"I think I might write one too, tomorrow before the party"

I nod

"That's a good idea"

He tells me

"It was emotional today. Everyone said goodbye with hugs and kisses rather than words, they know she has no idea"

I nod, what am I supposed to say? Of course she doesn't know, how do you explain to a girl who calls you her parents that you aren't and that strangers are taking you away tomorrow? You don't because this usually doesn't happen.

That night Peeta and I lay awake and whisper to one another. I tell him

"This is the final night she sleeps in this house"

"Maybe not, maybe she can visit"

"I don't think I can let go"

"You can"

"And if I fall in the process?"

"I won't let you fall, we catch each other"

He takes my hand

"And this ring is an infinite rope to show that we will always be there for each other"

We fall asleep last night holding one another, clutching each other, clutching the infinite rope.