What if?
What if that nightmare was a sign? What if it is proving something? What if it shows that bringing a child into this world is something that I should never do? What if the games return? Of course our child would be the first one chosen... What if this nightmare was a way of telling me that my fears are for a reason, that these fears are because there is still a lack of safety in this world?
What if? What if? What if...
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I wake up late the next day, almost afternoon. The sun is high in the sky as I pull back the curtains, allowing the full light to seep into the room. I glance back at the bed, two spaces where Peeta and I laid last night. I hear him and Sophie in the kitchen as I make my way downstairs. Before entering the kitchen I turn down the hall to the bathroom, turning the lock behind me. I lean my hands against the sides of the sink, staring at my reflection in the mirror. At the pale skin on my face, at the dark curves that underline my eyes, at the grey misty iris' of my eyes, at my chapped lips in which are coated in dry blood from biting down hard on them last night, my cheeks are red raw dry after the tears soaking them only hours into the night. It's not fair. It's not fair on Peeta, or Sophie, or any human being. Life is not fair. This isn't fair, on any of us. What did we do to deserve this? I don't know. Every generation of humans have made mistakes, since the beginning of time mistakes have been made. But somehow the mistakes worsen with each generation and with a mistake comes a price. And every once in a while you have to pay up more than usual, be hit a little harder when the going is good.
I splash cold water upon my face, I scrub my skin so hard my raw red skin blends in with the rest of my irritated skin. I brush my hair back off my face, the waves of soft curls flowing down my back. I stare back at my reflection and feel my eyes forced to look away in disgust, horror. I sigh. There is no more I can do. Nothing I can do to hide the true me, the walking nightmare. I leave the bathroom, not daring to look back at that mirror that reflects only the unfortunate truth of my ugliness. I walk down the hall and enter the kitchen, first catching the eye of Sophie. She sits at the table, eating cereal whilst Peeta is across the room with his back faced to me as he washes the dishes at the sink. Sophie says energetically with a mouthful of cereal almost spilling over her chin
"Morning mummy!"
I give a faint laugh, a weak act of humour. I am drained, yet for Sophie I can't let her see the hidden reality just yet. Not at such a young age, an innocent mind. It wouldn't be fair. I stroke her hair behind her as Peeta turns from the dishes. I see this from the corner of my eye as I am pretending my full focus is on Sophie. I know he has questions, of course he does. The problem is me not having the answers. Sophie looks up at me and says
"I go upstairs to plway?"
I nod with a soft smile yet a fake smile. Some words she still struggles to pronounce which is normal for her age. She climbs off the chair and runs out of the room. I begin to gather up the cereal surrounding her bowl before making my way over to the counter where I place the bowl. During all of this I feel Peeta's eyes following me, slowing digging unspoken questions into my mind. I don't know if that's intentional. Suddenly I can't take it any longer and I look at him, immediately meeting his eyes. They are not letting off a pressuring vibe as I'd imagined but instead they are calm, peaceful like the ocean they contain. But within that ocean I see it, a hint of concern, a wave of cncern and curiousity for me. He says softly leaning against the counter only a few feet away
"Hey"
I reply back
"Hi"
He takes his weight off the counter and approaches me. When he stops he's quite close.His breath tickles my chin, his fingers brush against my hand that hangs by my side. His face his only inches from mine as he says in such a low voice that if he was to be any further away it would be completely inaudible
"Are you okay? After last night?"
I look down at my feet, nodding as I raise my eyes once more to his. He nods slowly in response. I find my body slowly leaning towards his, my head gently resting against his chest as his arms cage me into a hug. The warmth of his body engulfs me, the sound of his heartbeat gives me strength and the touch of his lips on my forehead sends an electrifying rush of energy throughout my body. He asks me quietly
"What are you thinking about?"
I be honest with him, because what is the point in lying any more. I tell him
"I'm thinking I'm ugly, worthless and stupid"
Suddenly I feel his hand slip under my chin, raising my head so my eyes lock with his. He gives a sad smile as he shakes his head softly. He whispers to me
"You're none of those things Katniss. You're beautiful and kind and brave... In fact you're so much more than you could even imagine. You're a universe full of amazing things and talents, all you have to do is discover them for yourself because everyone else can see how amazing you are. And You're beautiful Katniss, you're the most beautiful human I ever laid eyes on"
The way he says it, the strength and confidence as if this is all true in his voice makes me almost believe him. Almost. Yet before I can even allow the words of protest to leave my mouth, his lips have already met mine.
----
"I'm going to the woods for a while for a walk"
I tell Peeta an hour or two later, slipping the black leather jacket over my shoulders. It's not cold, its the heart of summer. It's just the fact I've always worn my fathers jacket hunting yet that is too worn to wear any more. Peeta says to me
"Okay, I'll see you later"
He plants a kiss on my cheek, where his lips touch they leave a tingling feeling in their place. I say goodbye to Sophie before leaving. Peeta doesn't question me about going to the woods, he knows its my place to breath out, de-stress and to let out anger or any form of emotion I can't get into words. My bow has slowly made its way back into my life. No, I no longer hunt. There is no need to be killing animals for no reason. I usually just shoot at the bark of trees these days, I even carved a target a few weeks back. Its a way that keeps me connected to my past and my father who taunt me the skills of the bow, of survival.
When I reach the woods the sun is seeping through the cracks of the leaves above me, the afternoon sun beating down on the lake and the meadow only a few miles in the distance. I stay within the trees, soon finding the hiding place of my bow and quiver. Then the fun begins. The satisfaction of the arrow slipping from your fingertips to the target. The crunch of the arrowhead lodging into the tree bark. All of it gives me a rush of adrenaline. Some people would think I'm crazy if they knew what I do here. Oh my goodness the girl on fire, the leader of the rebellion, the crazy victor from the games is out in our woods with a weapon. I could see Caesar covering it now, the thought of his crazy candy floss hair as he reads the bizarre headline nauseates me. I continue trudging through the woods, the sound of branches cracking beneath my feet as I carry on. Soon enough I am at the edge of the lake, bow still loaded as I sit by the edge of the water, looking across the lake and the forest that is laid on the other side. I avoid my reflection in the water by my feet. The sun beats down on me as I remain in my position for a while. All of a sudden I hear a loud crunch of a branch behind me and within and instant I am swung around, bow held high, arrow at aim of the person's chest who is only a few feet away. They put their hands up and as my eyes raise to see their face I am struck with so many emotions I almost. Its Gale.
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Hey guys! DUNDUNDUN! Shocker huh? Hope you guys liked that chapter!Had my first day of exams today, only history and German. They were hard but I did my best. Tomorrow I have English, Art, Tech Graphics and French so OMG I am so dead! I will probably fail EVERYTHING! Anyway I guess I should stay hopeful right? So ANYWAY I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter if you did please comment and vote! Thanks so much for reading and I'll see you soon!
Em is out!
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What if?- A Mockingjay Story
Fanfiction*HUGE DISCLAIMER* I WROTE THIS WHEN I WAS 12YRS OLD, SO EXCUSE GRAMMAR AND CRINGINESS What if.....? Katniss has finally returned to District 12 both haunted and shattered by the past knowing the peace gained does not supply her with security and ha...
