What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 39

What if?

What if I hadn't lived to this day? What if I hadn't survived to 19 years of age? Would it really have had an impact on anyone? What if I just need to stop thinking like this, move on from the horrible thoughts and look toward good ones? What if I need to learn to appreciate the life I've been given? The life many people died to save. What if after almost 2 years I need to allow myself to be happy and free myself from the bad thoughts that seem to cloud my mind a lot of the time? Because what if someday I lose everything we fought for? What if I died regretting not living my life the way I should? What if I need to just let the past go and celebrate this day for what it is?

What if? What if? What if....

--

I moan softly as I am lowered from the clouds and brought back down to earth to awaken to the day. I know why I had no nightmares. Peeta's arms that wrapped around me barricaded me from the nightmares and allowed me to endure on a peaceful dream. But as I move slightly into an upright position I notice the absence of his arms, the space that was once filled by his body is now empty. I look around the living room for a moment, confused how I ended up sleeping on the couch. But then I recall the memory of last night, falling asleep here in Peeta's arms. Sophie is no longer in her place on the couch. I rub my eyes awake and squint as the morning summer sun shines brightly into the room. I stand up and sleepily stumble for a moment before continuing down the hall to the bathroom. I was my face with some water to wake me up, like I do every morning and then I think for a second. As I walk down the hallway to the kitchen I check the calender. And my thoughts are right. May 8th. My birthday. I didn't believe it for a moment, I knew I had to check just to confirm the date. I'm not excited nor sad. To be honest, I have never been one who likes being made a big deal of birthdays. I don't get excited about it being my birthday and I try not to get sad or depressed about the years I feel I've wasted. When I walk into the kitchen I am greeted by a mouthwatering smell that belongs to a plate of cheese buns sitting on the table. I laugh a little. He always remembers. When I walk over to them I notice a small letter wedged under the plate. I pull it out, unfold it and read the hand writing inside, immediately aware that it belongs to Peeta

Katniss,

Happy Birthday. I know you must be a bit confused right now so allow me to explain. The day is all planned out so you don't need to worry about anything. Sophie is with me, she will be for most of the day to give you a break. At 1 O'Clock I will come to your house and give you your gift and surprise. Don't do any work and just relax. I love you and I'll see you soon.

Peeta

I say quietly

"Are you serious?"

I know I'm speaking to no one but I don't care. I can't help but let out a slight laugh. Peeta has organised an entire day for me. Sometimes I question myself at why he cares. I know he loves me, but sometimes it just seems like his love isn't a big enough explanation to answer that question. But it is. I know it is. I sit down in the hollow silence of my home, nibbling on my cheese buns whilst tracing his writing with the tip of my finger. After I have eaten I go upstairs to change out of my clothes I slept in. It takes me much longer than it should to decide on what to wear, not because I don't know what I want to wear. I have never been one to take much notice of my outfit choice. Mostly because I kept stopping to think of what the surprise is. I hate surprises in some ways, how you can be there forever just guessing repetitively on what it is. In the end I settle for a black top, jeans and some sandals.

We consider May a summer month here in district 12 because our summer starts a bit earlier than other districts. I decide to dress in this casual outfit because I am not going anywhere today, unless Peeta decides to bring me somewhere for the surprise that I am still anxiously wondering what it is. When I go back downstairs I glance at the clock. 12 O'Clock. I moan loudly. Another Hour. I go outside and water the primroses before coming back inside and fixing myself a sandwich for lunch. As I'm washing the dishes I hear a soft knock on the door. I dry my hands quickly before sprinting to the door and unlocking the door. Before I can see his face his lips are pressed against mine. They don't feel warm like always or give me that sensation of electricity through my body. I feel confused and stop kissing him back, desperately trying to pull away from the strangers grasp. When he finally pulls I feel my heart stop beating for a moment as I find myself looking straight into the eyes of Gale Hawthorne.