What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 77

What if?

What if Sophie asks what happened? What will I say? What if I word it wrong and ruin her innocent mind? What if she asks where Peeta is? What if she knows well he's not coming back? What am I supposed to tell her?

What if? What if? What if...

---

We're driving home. Haymitch is tapping his fingers on the wheel as he takes the next left. My stomach wound burns, painful since I left the hospital bed. I didn't voice it though, I'm on enough painkillers and besides I couldn't spend another day in that hospital. Reminds me of district 13. After awhile of silence in the car I say

"I want Peeta to come home"

Haymitch shakes his head and keeping his eyes focused on the road says

"He's not safe yet. You're coming to stay with us for a while"

I say

"What?!"

My voice is meant to sound angered but instead comes out as squeaky as my vocal cords are still badly bruised. I haven't exactly been on voice rest. I sound like a 6 year old whinging to her father. He's acting like my father right now. He says to me

"The doctor said you need to take it easy as you lost a decent amount of blood and beside he's still dangerous. You can't go home yet. He's not ready"

Its not about him its about me. But I keep that to myself and stay quiet for the rest of the drive.

--

"Oh Katniss thank god your alright darling!"

Effie greets me with open arms, tightly hugging me before we enter the house. That's when Sophie greets me, tightly hugging me casing slight pain which I ignore. I plant a kiss on her cheek before I stand up again. Considering I can't lift her in my arms I take her small hand as we all go into the kitchen. The triplets are asleep in the living room as we sit down in the dining room. Haymitch and Effie talk to one another as Sophie sits on my lap asking me about shoulder which at this moment is in its sling. I tell her by word, not by writing it down. She can't read. Of course I twist the truth, tell her I fell rather than I was floored to the ground by her father. After I tell her she nods, as if understanding. She decides after a bit to go play in the garden leaving me with Haymitch and Effie. The silence is killing me, I feel cornered. Effie fills this silence in saying to me

"We're really relieved your okay Katniss. And you can stay as long as you need"

I nod and say

"Thanks, can I use your phone?"

Effie says in reply

"Sure darling its down the hall"

I leave the table and walk down the hall. The phone sits on a coffee table in the office. I pick it up and dial the bakery's phone number. It takes a minute or two for someone to pick up. Its Jason.

"Hey Katniss, how you doing?"

His voice sounds sincerely pitiful. I reply

" I'm fine is Gracie there?"

He replies

"Yeah I'll put her on now"

There is a minute or two of muffled voices on the line until eventually I hear Gracie

"Hey Katniss, how are you feeling?"

Her voice sounds tired and worried. I answer

"I've been better, I'm just back from hospital. How is he?"

She pauses for a long time before replying

"He hasn't spoken, he's locked himself in the spare bedroom"

"Will you um.... will you tell him I miss him and that... I'll hopefully see him soon"

"Of course Katniss. I've got to go now. Feel well soon. Bye"

"Bye"

---

The TV is the only thing filling the silence. With Sophie upstairs in bed there is no distraction for us, nothing to avoid the thought of the horrific events of the past few days. I tap my fingers upon my knee, staring at the wall for the next hour or 2. My mind is buzzing, has never fully shut off since I was in hospital. In one ear I still hear the heart monitor. Beep Beep, Beep Beep. In the other I hear his screams of agony, the screams that pulled me toward him, to help him. But in my attempt to help I was sent to hospital, with non life threatening injuries but serious enough to limit me to working, going places and living on my own. Eventually after a while I break away from the living room, claiming I'm exhausted but really the odd atmosphere is what really drives me to leave. I get a glass of water, take my pills and sleeping syrup before making my way upstairs. Haymitch and Effie gave me and Sophie the room in the attic to sleep in. They got in converted when they found out about the triplets knowing as they grew up keeping them all in the one room would not be something the kids would co-operate with. Its quite cosy, a white carpet along with a double bed and a single bed. I open the door slowly, aware of creaking. When I enter its not pitch black, a soft orange light in the corner. I climb into my bed and leaning over the side painfully,glance at Sophie on the bed a few feet away. I can't see her, she's caged in with pillows. She usually sleeps in a cot so I was hoping to block her from falling out as much as possible. Her face is peaceful, her breaths even as she sucks her thumb whilst asleep. I sit back, my head on the back of the bed as I push my hair slowly out of my face. Then I look at my arms, my bandaged arms. I look at my shoulder, exposed to the world showing the purple and black bruises. I re position my sling as my eyes burn. Then I cry, all the emotion, the tears, the pain. They all spill out of me as I sit in the room not fully alone, yet feeling as if I'm the loneliest person in the world. I am lost yet I can't even find myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I feel. I don't even know who Peeta is anymore. I'm lost, adrift, alone. All of a sudden I hear the sweet small voice

"Mummy?"

I rub my tears immediately though its not like she can see them and say

"Yes Sophie?"

I hear some rustling and then the small figure climbs upon the bed, and comes to me. Thumb in her mouth and bear in her hand she sits in front of me. She puts the bear aside, removes the thumb from her mouth and wraps her arms around me. I hug her back, tightly not wanting to ever let go. In my arms is all I have, everything. I'm grasping my life, reality. Sophie keeps me sane at moments like this, when I am beginning to fall over the edge, to linger between happiness and complete insanity. She whispers to my ear

"I love you Mummy"

I clutch her tighter

"I love you too"

I'm so grateful for this girl in my life, as she is here now comforting me. Such a big heart for such a young girl. So kind, comforting. She's what is keeping me sane. I'm falling over the edge of sanity, yet she along with so many other supportive people in my life are blocking my fall.

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Hey Guys! What did you think of this chapter? I hope you liked it! If this chapter gets over 20 votes I'll write the next chapter from Peeta's Perspective! I'm finally on my summer holidays yay!!!! Anyway if you enjoyed please vote and comment what you predict will happen next! Love you guys and thanks so much for reading!
Em is out