What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 15

What if?

What if this is asking for Sophie to go home? What if it's time for her to return to her mother? What if I'm not ready to let her go? What if I'm starting to love her, as a sister.....As Prim... She's all I have. But What if she isn't? What if she is about to be taken away from me?

What if? What if? What if?

---

I sit on couch with Sophie sitting by my feet watching a cartoon on the TV. I sigh before opening the envelope and reading the card it contained.

Dear Katniss,

I heard that you called my girl Sophie. It's a beautiful name. I know you would be perfect for her, the one I could trust. I have heard you are really becoming a true mother to her, caring for her just as I knew you would. I have been told that she is helping you heal and I'm very glad for that. I know still must be confused about all of this and that's the exact reason for this letter. To supply you with information you may need. Sophie is exactly 6 months old today. She was born June 20th this year. I know you are also still quite confused about why I did this and I apologize for not explaining it but I think that when the time comes it would make more sense for me to explain this all to you in person. I need you to mind Sophie until she is exactly 4 years old. On her 4th birthday at 5 O'clock that evening I will come for her. By then I hope that I will be able to find the words to explain all of this. Until then hang in there, stay positive and don't give up on life because I promise you that this is only the beginning of your roller-coaster of life. You are so young, live every moment to it's fullest.

THANK YOU

Once again no signature or form of identity. It's a lot of information to take in. How she will be with me for the next 3 years and 6 months. How then I will finally meet her mother. But I am also getting uneasy feeling thinking about the fact that she knows so much about me. I wonder if she has seen this or is somebody supplying her with information. So many questions I have years to await for answers. I put the letter aside and put my face in my hands. I sigh loudly before saying

"Uhh....Soph what am I going to do?"

I look down at her and find her slowly crawling on the carpet. I feel a rush of excitement as I watch her use all the strength she has to allow her small short arms to hold up her body. I pick her up in my arms and hug her tightly

"Sophie your crawling!!!Good Job honey!!"

I put her back down as she waves her arms around indicating she wants to be let down. I watch with a smile on my face as she crawls across the floor. In a way I now understand how my parents managed to stay happy through our times of starvation and uneasy living conditions. They had these moments, in which something so small yet so pleasing and amazing happens that you can't help but smile... But be thankful for this moment. And this smile is true... A smile so true yet so rare.

--

The evening is cold, we have the fire on early at about half past four. Haymitch comes for dinner as we sit at the table and eat. Sophie eats a yoghurt by herself since she has managed to be able to control the spoon without flinging yoghurt everywhere. Haymitch says as we eat our stew

"It's good to see you back on your feet and eating"

I nod. He leaves the subject at that thankfully. A few minutes later he speaks again

"Are you going to come to my place for Christmas dinner in a couple of days?"

Christmas. I almost forgot. Christmas is only a matter of days away. 5 to be exact. I shrug my shoulders and say

"I don't know"

He says

"I'll be having a few more guests too"

I stop chewing my food and stare at my plate while saying

"Like Peeta"

I wait a moment before continuing to eat. I listen as he replies

"Yes and possibly some others"

I say to him

"Then I can't. If Peeta's there I can't"

He laughs a little and says

"You slept with him yet can't spend a dinner with him? Really sweetheart?"

I drop my fork and look at him whilst saying clearly

"I DID NOT sleep with him and anyway I can't with Sophie"

He says back

"You can't hide her from him forever. Someday you will have to let the child out of this house"

I say

"I know that but I'm not ready"

He asks

"For what? To face the boy?"

I say to him

"To tell him the truth!"

He looks at me with a confused look. I sigh and sit back

"I can't tell him about her because I have to tell him everything then. And he'll want to protect me and every time he does that he ends up getting hurt."

He continues to look at me with a questioning look

"I know it sounds crazy... But I'm not risking anything"

He says

"Can't Sophie just nap upstairs while we eat? i promised the mockingjay to my guests"

I think about it for a moment. I guess it would make sense. And anyway do I really want to spend this Christmas alone? My first Christmas without even one family member by my side. Christmas was never big in the districts. Winter was the time where food became more scarce than ever with many hunting days being cut back due to icy conditions and with the strong fear of getting ill Christmas was the one day in which people let go. It wasn't largely celebrated, people would eat a small 'feast' made up of food they had put away for weeks just for the occasion. We appreciated this though it was small. Tiny compared the capitol's celebrations, giving gifts, having parties and feasts. At least this year will be different. I ask him

"How many will be there?"

He replies

"A few"

I sigh. Haymitch has done so much for me over the last couple of months. He is asking me to come for dinner to celebrate Christmas with Peeta and some others. There is a lot worse things he could ask of me. Who cares if Peeta's there? Sophie will be upstairs and he will never have to know. That's what has been holding me back. Now there's a solution. I take a moment before I say

"Alright then"