What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 79

What if?

What if this is how the rest of my life will go? Week after week I will help out here until returning home with Sophie, Sophie will soon leave me for her family then week after week I will be alone. What if Peeta isn't coming back? What if my letter didn't make him change his mind, what if there is no going back? What if the damage is done now, there is no possible way to reverse the impact of this?

What if? What if? What if...

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The summer sun beats upon us as we all are out in the back garden. With the triplets napping after a morning of bawling crying everyone was relieved to escape out of the house and to get some fresh air. A week I've been here, one week. I have protested to return home but Haymitch and Effie insist at least one more week. I went to Dr.Edwards yesterday to get a check-up and I was told that my stitches needed to be redone that I had been once again over stretching them. So he re-stitched the wound along with wrapping my stomach in a bandage to prevent me ripping them again. He said the bandage can be taken off if I'm majorly discomforted. But that isn't my only source of pain, my shoulder has also become quite a bother which is another thing Dr.Edwards began to lecture me on. I am permanently in a sling for the next 3 weeks now, the full recovery time. I left that room with my medication doubled, a full recovery sling and a tightly bandaged stomach. I then returned to Haymitch and Effie to receive even more lectures. I have basically sleepwalked through the last week, not daring to be full awake as the thought of dealing with the horrific reality is unbearable.My nightmares have become daily, 2-3 per night. I don't wake up screaming but engulfed with terror and frozen in spot. Most nights I cry myself to sleep unless the sleeping serum pulls me under before I start.

I stand up from my chair after lunch whilst Haymitch and Effie laugh about something I don't understand and make my way down the lawn to Sophie. She sits on a picnic blanket, wearing her dress from her mother and playing with her bear, offering him a piece of her sandwich. I lower myself beside her, wincing at the pain and struggling to withhold a moan of pain. She says

"Hi mummy"

I plant a kiss on her head. I've also been forced back into voice rest, just for another week or two as my vocal cords are healing nice and quickly. She continues to play as I gather daises from the grass in my hand as I begin to make a daisy chain out of pure boredom. Soon I notice Sophie pause in her actions beside me and watch my fingers weave the flowers together with fascination. She asks me with her sweet soft voice

"What you doing mummy?"

I reply softly

"Making a daisy chain, would you like to make one?"

She nods so I gesture her to come closer to watch. She climbs onto my lap and watches as I complete the chain and put it around her wrist.She then begins to make one of her own, her small fingers beginning to weave the stems together and soon enough she has made a daisy chain. And another one. And within an hour we are still sitting outside, weaving many chains. Eventually we return inside, me carrying her toys and in her hand a big basket of daisy chains and daisies that await to be chained together. I put away her things in my room and return downstairs. She continues to weave silently, humming softly as she goes along. I go upstairs and realise we have no more clean clothes left. I go into the kitchen to Haymitch and Effie and tell them I'm returning home to get some things. They allow me without questions but I know well they will be expecting me back pretty quick.

I make my way over to the dull house which looks abandoned almost by now. I open the door to hear the horrible creaking fill the empty house. I walk through the kitchen and down the hall to the closet when I halt at the sight of the scene. The shattered glass is still sprawled across the floor, my blood splattered across the pieces and stained into the floorboards. I feel my heart beating, I hear the heart monitor again yet at a faster rate BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP. I feel my stomach tighten and churn, I fight the urge to both throw up and pass out. My chest tightens making breathing a challenge as I struggle to grip sanity. I stumbled down the hall and into the closet, shutting the door behind me as I switch on the light. I take a few minutes to grasp reality again, clutching everything in my reach as I try to tell myself its okay now, I'm safe. This is also when I realise why Peeta didn't come back, why my letter didn't convince him. He knows me more than anyone. He knows what I really feel inside now when I think of him. Fear. And I hate his actions for revealing that truth to me. The truth that is my fear of him.

I fill the basket with clothes before exiting the closet. I stop once again in the hall and amongst the shattered glass something catches my eye. My charm bracelet. I go to reach for it when all of a sudden I hear a noise from upstairs. Once again I am thrown into the terrified state of a few minutes ago.

What if its Peeta?

What if he returned home?

So many questions flood into my mind but only one word becomes clear. RUN. So I grab the charm bracelet, cutting my finger in the process but not even taking any notice by it. I throw it amongst the clothes and run, slamming the front door behind me. I slow down my pace and try to not seem completely drained and out of breath when I re-enter Haymitch and Effie's. I go straight upstairs and put the basket beside my bed before going into the bathroom. I wash off my hands and then the charm bracelet. Luckily the silver is not stained but still in perfect condition. I press the wet pearl to my lips and receive that feeling throughout my body again. The boy with the bread, the victor on the beach, all the versions of Peeta I know come flooding to memory. Then I realise I shouldn't be scared because all thee Peeta's are still here. The pearl kisses my lips as if it was him kissing me. And just as I place it back into my palm I look out the window and catch his eye in the window of our house only for him to hide. I don't know if he's still watching but still I mouth 'I love you' before walking away.

That night I don't cry myself to sleep but hold all I have left of him tight. The pearl and the medallion. Before we sleep Sophie asks

"When Daddy coming home"

I reply

"Soon"

She climbs into my bed and hugging me says

"I miss him"

"Me too"

We hold each other that night, she falls asleep with her small fingers touching the medallion as if she senses its his.

All she wants is him home and I can't give her what she wants because its what I want too. I want my dandelion.

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Hey guys! Sorry that the gif of the medallion is super bad but I couldn't find another picture of the medallion! Anyway what did you think? Was this good? What do you think will happen next? Will Katniss turn to someone for help and comfort? I guess you'll have to wait to find out! I would ike to personally thank you guys for 2k votes! I am so glad yo guys are enjoying this and though the votes may have decreased since the beginning I am still so proud to be writing this book with such great readers! Though the book is coming to an end soon I'm really really grateful for this so thank you! If you enjoyed this chapter please vote and comment what you think may happen next and what you thought of the chapter and I'll see you soon!

Em is out