What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 63

What if?

What if the doctor is wrong? What if he won't get better? But what if I need to stop being so negative and expecting the worst? What if I need to start looking at what is good and the positive things I have? What if I need to stop taking the happiness I have for granted?

What if? What if? What if...
---
"Mommy when you coming home?"

Sophie says quietly on the other side of the phone. I hear the muffled voices of Haymitch and Effie in the background. I answer into the phone

"Soon honey, I promise"

She mumbles something in response but I can't hear her. I then get a muffled sound as the phone is transferred to Haymitch, soon enough he speaks

"How's Peeta doing?"

I look across the room at the sound of his name, his blue eyes immediately catching me. They send me drowning in his blue ocean, falling for the blue iris'. However though these moments may seem like a lifetime they are only a quick second in my life. I say into the phone

"He's doing okay. If he eats tonight he can come home tomorrow"

Haymitch replies

"That's good"

I ask him

"How's Sophie doing? She's not any trouble is she?"

He replies

"No no. She's not a bother"

I say

"Good"

There's a few seconds of silence after that. He hasn't hung up, I hear breathing. To continue the conversation I ask

"How's Effie?"

He tells me

"She's in bed sick. She went down with something last night. She's not too bad now, I'd say its just the winter bug"

I say

"I better go. Tell Effie I said hi and hope she gets well soon"

"I will sweetheart. Bye"

I say

"I'm not sweetheart..."

But he's already hung up. I shove my phone in my pocket and sit back in my seat. Peeta doesn't say anything, just stares blankly at the wall. About 30 minutes later a nurse comes in with his food. For a while he doesn't touch it but after a while of convincing I get him to eat it. The doctor then comes in to check on him before he goes to sleep. Then I watch him, watch his eyes close asleep, watch his breath become steady and his mind drift away into sleep. I haven't slept in two days, I always feel the need to watch him and protect him. My failing in protecting him is what made him end up here in the first place. After a while as I watch the heart monitor go up and down I hear a voice drained of energy say

"You should sleep"

I look at him. At his deep blue eyes looking misty. At his dark bags that hang beneath his eyes from the lack of sleep. I shake my head. He speaks again

"You need to sleep"

"I can't"

"Try"

"I'm scared"

"I'll still be here when you wake up"

So I close my eyes and fall into the deep darkness of my mind in which I stay until morning comes. I don't know what makes it easier to sleep tonight, maybe the fact that Peeta's right by my side protecting me. Protecting me from what I fear most. Losing him.
---
He scribbles his signature on the last of his release forms before turning to me. We both walk out to the car park and he follows me as I walk around each one until I find mine. The drive home is silent. The rattling of the house keys is the only sound I hear when we get home. Once I unlock the door Peeta walks into the living room and sits down. I offer him painkillers and he gratefully accepts them. I tell him