What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 52

What if?

What if she has already recognised us? Oh come on, Of course she has, probably why she called me in here in the first place. What if this just shows that she will always be exposed to this horrible past me and Peeta can't seem to ever truly escape? What if this moment proves that soon enough she will ask questions, about us and about her parents? What if this is a wake up call? Telling me that it's only a matter of time before the questions begin rolling in, confusion sets in and our story is forced to be told to a young child...

What if? What if? What if....

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I am frozen in the one spot, my eyes settled on the picture on the screen. I can't exactly explain my emotions at this moment of time. Part of me wants to dive for the remote and turn off the TV but at the same time I feel as if I am stiff, stuck in the one spot unable to move. Peeta however seems to recover from the unexpected event pretty quickly and within a matter of seconds has taken the remote quickly out of her hands and switching off the TV. Nobody in the room says anything, Sophie sits on Peeta's lap as he stares into space and I lean against the wall staring at the blank screen which in my head still shows Peeta and I on the victory tour. My throat is dry, my arms dangling by my sides unable to find the energy to move. I feel weakened, drained of my energy. I feel like I've been awoken, like the happiness I've been walking through for quite a while now. This has woken something up inside me, that feeling of anxiety and nausea that came during my times of being watched under the eye of peacekeepers and Snow. When I think of Sophie finding out everything about our past in a year or two it makes me sick to the stomach, to the extent where I feel the colour drain from my face and that I could puke. All I want is to be a good mother for the time in which I must mother Sophie, but I already feel I've blown it.

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I feel the bed shake slightly as Peeta climbs in on his side. I don't turn around but instead stay silent like we all have been for the last hour. I am staring at the ground beside my bed, biting my lip anxiously as millions of thoughts run through my head rapidly. Suddenly I feel his warm touch on my shoulder, his fingers grasping my arm softly and pulling me to face him. His eyes are glistening with their ocean blue iris, containing what I can't identify. I'm guessing either fear or confusion would be his reaction to the situation, as is mine. He says in a soft whisper

"What's going through your head?"

He strokes the side of my cheek softly, I soon place my hand to cover his as it stops on my cheek. I whisper in reply, struggling to get out the words as I feel the tears choke them as I fight to contain them within

"I never thought she would be revealed to everything like this so fast, and I guess it just feels like... a wake up call. Telling me I need to become a better parent to her...."

Peeta whispers to me, cutting me off

"Katniss, you are a brilliant parent. You never had a choice into becoming her mother, nor were you prepared or capable. But you made yourself capable of caring for her, you put in the effort to be the best person you could be to her"

I nod. Still silently disagreeing. He continues

"We can't protect her from everything"

I reply to him in a soft quiet whisper

"I know"

He says

"Try and get some sleep"

I reply after a few seconds

"Okay"

He pulls me into his arms and together we fall asleep, his arms protecting me from the nightmares and the bad thoughts that linger in both our minds tonight.
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I make my way downstairs in the morning to meet Peeta on the couch, Sophie curled up on the couch in his arms. When he notices me enter the room he says

"Hey"

I reply with

"Hi"

I sit down on the couch beside him for a bit before going into the kitchen to make breakfast. As I pass the calendar hanging on the cupboard. I then stop when I see something written on yesterday's date, soon to realise it was two years since the rebellion then.
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The two weeks go by quickly, helping Effie and Haymitch organise the wedding. As Peeta, Sophie and I sit on the train I can't help but smile. A wedding, a day of happiness finally coming everyone's way.

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Hey guys! Sorry that chapter was short. Literally had the worst day ever, anyway the next update will be good I promise! Thanks for 1k votes too and thanks for understanding! Love you guys, bye! Thanks for reading!
-Em is out