What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 33

What if?

What if I just back down already? Nothing seems to be working, he's obviously not going anywhere and his words last night proved that. What if I can refuse to leave with him? No, the hospital already have my signature giving permission. What if I can..... What if I can just accept already that nothing is going to change? Whether I like it or not this is the way things have to be. What if there literally is no other way?

What if? What if? What if.....

---

I spend all morning in silence, going back and forth in my head trying repetitively to think of some sort of plan to get him to just go. It's nothing against Peeta, of course it isn't. It's the thought of being incapable of minding myself, minding Sophie. After I have eaten breakfast Kylie comes in and asks Peeta to leave the room as Dr. Aurelius will be here in a matter of minutes. Kylie gives me my final does of injections whilst we hear Dr. Aurelius greeting Peeta outside. Moments later he enters the room. He smiles and says

"Hello Katniss"

I smile painfully and say strained

"Hi"

For a moment he looks at me confused, not aware at that moment there are needles stuck into my back. But then he sees Kylie. He asks

"Have you given her the dose?"

She nods and says formally

"Yes sir"

She grabs her tray of needles, gives me a reassuring smile and then walks out just as Dr. Aurelius turns to me after setting up his 'equipment on the small desk at the end of the bed. He sits on the desk chair and turns to face me. He smiles and crosses his arms across his body before asking me

"How are you doing Katniss?"

I state plainly

"I've been better"

He nods, his glasses sitting almost on the tip of his nose

"I heard. Bent Spine and damage done to your shoulder blade. I don't know how you possibly managed it"

I say blankly

"Fell down the stairs"

He nods again. He asks me seriously

"How are the nightmares?"

I reply

"Better here. I'm given so much medication it knocks me out. At home pretty bad. I don't scream any more, probably because I have Sophie...."

My voice trails off in remembrance that he doesn't know about Sophie.... Well didn't know about Sophie.

"Who's Sophie?"

I tell him straight off

"My daughter"

His eyes widen, he sits forward in his seat and pushes his glasses upwards in-line with his eyes. He says shocked

"You were pregnant?"

I shake my head vigorously and say defensively

"No, of course not! It's complicated.... I was made her legal guardian"

He raises his eyebrow. I shake my head again in return, indicating I do not want to explain further nor will I. He says turning to his desk

"I brought some pills that should help you sleep better.."

Just as he is revealing the bottle of bright blue pills I tell him

"No. I'm sorry but I took those kind of pills on the train during the victory tour and I hated it. It's like trapping me on the inside. Please don't make me go on them"

He looks over his glasses and sighs. He instead turns and hands me a bottle the size of my fist filled to the brim with lemon coloured pills. He says

"Pain killers. Three times a day. Not as strong as morphling not as weak as just normal tablets. They should work okay"

I nod. He then continues

"Have you found place for physio therapy?"

I shake my head and ask him

"Do I really need it?"

He bites the end of his pen whilst staring at his clipboard for a moment. He then says

"I could give you stretches. But you do realise they will be painful but you will have to do them if you don't want therapy"

I nod. I'm used to pain by now, this will be no different.
---
Kylie arrives in with a wheelchair when we are ready to go. Peeta helped me change out of the horrible nightgown into some clothes he brought over this morning. It was very uncomfortable and embarrassing, especially since I was in a lot of pain for the most of it. Peeta didn't really take much notice. He tied my shoes and helped me pull on my shirt over my head without hurting my shoulder. Peeta lifts me off the bed and sits me slowly into the wheelchair as I weigh as light as a feather. I grit my teeth the whole time, trying my best not to scream. I'm told when I get home the numbing will have fully worn off. Kylie said that its only wearing away now. She has been really honest with me here which I am so grateful for considering most nurses will tell you everything is okay, even when it's not. I thank her greatly before we leave. The pain is not in sharp moments anymore but just an aching pain all the time. As we take the elevator down to the round floor of the hospital Peeta asks if I'm okay. I just mutter a yes through my gritted teeth. Now I know the damage done, and the reason of two month recovery. I need time to repair my shoulder and my spine, but mostly I think I need to repair myself too.