What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 73

What if?
What if Peeta still doesn't trust Gale? What if though it may seem like everything is okay now it's not? What if I shouldn't fully trust Gale yet? What if I should still be careful around him? What if he is just trying to gain my trust before he repeats his actions of before?
What if? What it? What if...
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This is the only thing I can think about as I rock Hailey in my arms, her eyes becoming droopy as she begins to fall asleep. Her eyes soon come to a close, a peaceful look spreading across her face as mine floods with relief of her finally falling asleep. I remember how much I struggled to adapt to having Sophie, trying to manage her but also manage myself. I can't possibly imagine what Effie must be feeling, with triplets that problem is 3 times worse. I can't exactly complain. I place Hailey in her crib as Effie passes Maysilee to me. I am off work today as I offered to help Haymitch and Effie with the triplets. I can already see how much they appreciate the help. Sophie went to the bakery with Peeta this morning, after much protest on staying home and insisting on going Peeta and I gave in. Effie sits on the couch beside me, rocking Joe in her arms, bouncing him up and down as she hums. After a while she tells me

"Thanks so much for helping today Katniss, we really appreciate it"

I tell her

"No problem. You two are always there when I need someone to care for Sophie so its only right for me to return the favour"

She smiles, her eyes watching Joe as she speaks. I glance at Maysilee, who's head rests on my shoulder and big brown eyes watch my every movement. She's a curious one, I can tell by the way she examines her surroundings. After a small amount of time Effie asks me

"Do you and Peeta ever plan on having kids? After Sophie's gone?"

I think hard before I answer. I don't want to be honest, even with Peeta I haven't been fully honest on the fact that I don't want kids. It would break his heart and there is no way I could do that to him. If I told anyone they would almost be guaranteed to tell Peeta. So I lie

"I don't know, our main focus right now is Sophie. Appreciate the last year we have with her"

She nods and says

"She really made a difference in all our lives didn't she?"

I nod. Her impact on my life was huge. I was deep in depression before she came, ignoring Peeta and the world around me. I had caged myself from reality, I was completely shattered in the aftermath of the rebellion and torn between war and love. She made me have to become happy, alive again. And in becoming alive again I became more social and lively. Then I met Peeta and the tables were flipped, as if the hijacking was almost reversed and he was home. He returned to me. He loved me again. Then I felt myself falling down a familiar path. I fell in love with Peeta also coming to the realisation that this was how I felt all along. It was like I was sleep walking then finally awoke to this strong feeling for him. That I needed him to stay, always. That I loved him, that I will always love him with every breath I take, every move I make and with every thing I do in my life. She brought us together in reviving me to my happier self. She totally changed my life. I will never forget that. I tell Effie

"I'll definitely miss her when she 's gone... But hopefully we'll see her again. Its weird to think a year from now she won't be with us anymore"

Effie nods, then there is a long pause before she speaks again, her voice in a lower tone than before

"Do you sometimes wonder who her mother is?"

I nod and say

"All the time. A constant question I'm dying to get the answer to. But the more I think about the more insane I get about it so I usually let it slip from my mind"